Monday, April 27, 2015

Banged your head again?

Even when we bang our heads on some wall (accidentally or not), it hurts, we knew it would hurt and we know it will hurt the next time too. And face it, it's most likely sure you'll hit that wall again. Whether if it's sooner or later I guess it depends on our stubbornness or "lack of vision", but we will go, "for show" through that same painful experience.

What can we do to prevent that painful moment?

For a start, pay close attention to where/what you lead your head into, then, have it in your freezer one of those ice cubes plastic bag that are perfect to shape it around your bruise.

Ok, we can try to prevent it, but we can only do so much. There are walls, ceilings, trees, cabinet doors, shelves, vases, chairs or tables and ground everywhere, so even if you confide yourself to a small space and never change stuff around you, that moment will still come.

... Surprise! BANG! Ouch! "#$%#"!!!!!

Get prepared and be ready. That's my advice. Don't say you didn't expect it. We all know that emotional frustration, sadness, desperation, tiredness, it's just a matter of time till it gets you again.

So, deal with it before and have the right tools next to you when you need it.

What are the right tools?
... know yourself, know your weak points, know your sensitive areas. Learn how to talk about them and make the best to heal yourself from enabling thoughts like "I can't, I'm too tired, I'm not good enough, I'm not smart, I'm not a good person..."

You are a good person, you're smart, you're loving and deserving of anything, as any other person.
So, you don't have what you want, you don't even know what you want? work for it, get out, move around, risk it, but don't give up before making some effort.
Ah, you've messed it up? Again! Say you're sorry, learn from it, try it differently next time.

We all make mistakes but just some of us actually do the work to learn from them.
And this is where we really choose. We don't choose our opportunities, we choose to engage with them or not. We either choose to learn from our "accidents" and get the right tools for next time, or we choose to deny that experience and keep walking with our eyes closed (bad idea...)

So act smart, emotionally smart, and get your own first aid kit, for sure you will bang your head...

Guy Winch, Psychologist calls it "Emotional Hygiene", word!

On Self-Esteem:

"Self-esteem is like an emotional immune system that buffers you from emotional pain and strengthens your emotional resilience. As such, it is very important to monitor it and avoid putting yourself down, particularly when you are already hurting. One way to “heal” damaged self-esteem is to practice self-compassion. When you’re feeling critical of yourself, do the following exercise: imagine a dear friend is feeling bad about him or herself for similar reasons and write an email expressing compassion and support. Then read the email. Those are the messages you should be giving yourself."

On Guilt:

"One of the best ways to resolve lingering guilt is to offer an effective apology. Yes, you might have tried apologizing previously, but apologies are more complex than we tend to realize. The crucial ingredient that every effective apology requires — and most standard apologies lack — is an “empathy statement.” In other words, your apology should focus less on explaining why you did what you did and more on how your actions (or inactions) impacted the other person. It is much easier to forgive"

And last, but really important too: Stop Rumination!

"It is natural to reflect on painful experiences or worries. By going over such scenes in our minds, we hope to reach new insights or understandings that will reduce our distress and allow us to move on. But this natural process of self-reflection often goes awry such that instead of attaining an emotional release, we simply play the same distressing scenes in our head over and over again, feeling even sadder, angrier, or more agitated, every time we do." It's addictive, so the best way to really stop it is to distract yourself as soon as you start ruminating. Do a puzzle, watch a movie, dance, sing, whatever... just don't follow the negative spiral... cut that bad trip!

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