Monday, August 10, 2015

Stop the blaming and move on

... I would like to start this post with "F#%... what was I thinking", and of course, the answer is: I wasn't. But wait! I was thinking, subconsciously. It's so hard to see the whole picture, better put, to see the other side of events, like the moon that has one unknown side. It's just easier to point at what's wrong, at what we think it's not fair, name all the things we could have done, because it's just easier to blame ignorance. Well, that's how we learn to strive as kids, blaming the other, something else other than ourselves. If the toy got broken or missing, it was never our fault!!! And when we actually had to admit that maybe there was no one else in the room, well we could still blame randomness!

Very rarely we defend ourselves, our self unknown cause. We don't know exactly why we did it, but we did, and it felt OK, except when the final results came. Maybe at this point you can say that's commonly known has being stupid. Ok, it is being stupid, but that stupidity had meaning. You choose to be stupid.

And it doesn't happen only when we're kids, even as full grown adults we still have the same reaction when things go wrong: "oh it wasn't my fault...!" because, even if there's no one to blame we can still shrunk our shoulders and pity ourselves, therefore, not really owning the blame, and in the same line of though, never owning the solution either. So the point I'm trying to get is that, we are the ones to blame, but we don't have to.

That's why, over and over, the guru's of thought and consciousness repeat the same mantra, be honest with yourself, let go, stop judging, embrace your true self, etc, meaning, yeah, you're "stupid" sometimes but that's all part of it, no need to scrutinize that. Let it be. In that stupidity there might be a meaning for something you're missing out.

Another example of that non-real acceptance of the self. When we get into an elevator and there's a mirror what do we do? If there's someone else inside we turn around and face our back to it, but if you're by yourself, confess it, you just stare at your own reflection and try to look the best you can. But we're shy to do it in front of others, as if it was a sign of weakness or proof of shameful vanity.

Neither. When you're honest about who you are, good or bad, you enjoy your own reflection, even if there's someone also being reflected in that same picture. Things get easier when you're not ashamed of yourself, and for others it's actually a relief to be close to someone real. We all want to look our best, which is the same as saying, we all want to be our best. Watching someone trying is so inspiring, as failing can be too. It's only when we don't take that good look at ourselves and admit our own flaws in front of others, that we go around being shitty.

I wish I could go back and do things differently, I wish I had been awaken to all the open windows in front of me, I wish I had had the courage to take that good look at myself and see it clearly how wrong my actions were. But hey, no blaming, no excuses. Plain simple observation. I wasn't right, I did wrong, I was selfish. I don't want to repeat the same mistakes again, but now I need to step out of this cross and get on with it.

Let's learn to name things exactly as they are and stop pretending. There's always a mirror somewhere for us to look at. "Just" be yourself to know yourself well. Don't waste time blaming. Take note of the mistake, repeat the test again if you can, but if not, move on, lesson learned. As once said "The unexamined life is not worth living." But sorry Socrates, Life itself is so worth living. Take that good look in the mirror, specially if you're not alone, laugh at it, appreciate it, improve, but leave the elevator.
unexamined life is not worth living

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