On Lack of Character

… your friends will support you and try to be your friends, they’ll excuse your mistakes if they don't get hurt. Society might tell you that you had no choice. Books will show that you’re “just” ignorant on the subject, but you… you’ll always now that you did wrong and that you’re not a good person.
The label, good or bad person, is not as blind as we tend to put it. There are specific traits in both. If your choices reveal more of one kind than another, then it’s clear on which side you’re on.
There is a scale of good and badness. One person can be good or a saint. One can be bad or a monster. Still, it’s all measurable through your actions/choices (conduct).

A way to explain how can one human being be so different from another is by analyzing their core values, meaning, going through what society has established as having a strong or a weak character. Either you respond to situations in a noble way or you choose the selfish and unthoughtful path.

If we break apart and simplify what defines holding a strong character or having none, we can come up with a set of adjectives that separate both.

If you lack character, then you carry in your actions lack of integrity, laziness, dishonesty, lack of perseverance, of self-discipline, of self-control. You hold unreliability, unworthiness, cowardice. You become someone others can't trust.

So, for the opposite to be true, your personality must be linked to a set of values like integrity, honesty, conscientiousness, trustworthiness, courage, seriousness and so on.

Most people that “Lack Character” will believe that they’re only taking care of their own Life, as is everyone else and unfortunately, only until they’re hit in they heart by the reflection of who they’ve become, they’ll continue taking care of business as usual.

How can we build a stronger character? What causes that fault in our personality?

Trust that you’ll be ok no matter what. Life is hard for everyone, even for those who seem to have it all. It’s hard to share, to be open towards another person. As we grow we learn to protect our toys, our secrets, our treasures. But very rarely things happen as we expected, right? Our mind makes plans and creates realities that most of the time are not met. So control your expectations. Accept what it is right now, right here. Our life is a sand castle that lives constantly “threaten” by the ocean tides, by the wind, rain or sunshine and by other sand castles builders. If you’re not happy, it’s not because someone or something is making you sad. You’re the architect of your own sand castle. Change what you think it can be changed, but not by stealing sand from another castle. If you’ve shared your castle with another, respect the bridges built between. Be a good neighbour, especially towards the people you care the most. You’re not more or less if you have a bigger castle. The quality of your castle foundations come from your own self. How much Love and respect do you have for yourself? If it’s not much, your castle is a fragile one and very easily it can that just fall apart.

If your castle as fallen apart, go through your mistakes, go deep into its foundations. Understand where you didn’t pay attention. What did you neglect? … From there and with humbleness and holding the thought that you can grow a good solid character, start again.

Keep in mind, you can be happy no matter what, but you must hold on tight to your set of values. Show Love for the ones in your life. Respect others choices and freedom. Be independent, emotionally and financially. Honour your commitments, but be clear with who/what you’ve committed to. Don’t just tell to yourself. Say it out loud! Speak your mind. Great intelligence comes from great Passion, and with Wisdom comes Compassion. So support your choices with self-conviction and an intelligent discourse, but be kind towards yourself and others. Things are not just as they are, you’re part of it. We are all part of it. We seem to be all a drift but we’re together in ignorance.

We have Purpose. Love yourself to find it and grow.
There’s no Randomness, and in this I believe.

MORE INFO: http://www.wikihow.com/Strengthen-Character

I see you in me

We have learned how to behave in this world. How to talk, write and explain our thoughts. We've also learned that certain things shouldn't be done and others we should feel obliged/compelled to do them.

This is the modern society's education. Create who you want to be, to become.
So we create a Persona. Persona means mask. The character that is played in a theater, on a stage. And we wear that character to others till it's incorporated in ourselves and it becomes our choices and beliefs. And that's when we get so distant from our true nature that we no longer feel what it's true to us. What are your true beliefs? What are your true core values?

The Dalai Lama has a powerful presence, not because he has a Great Persona that overshadows others, but because he looks at the person he has in front of him with Love, with appreciation, with the thought, "May you be happy".

We are here to learn, we are here to grow up,
not to remain childish and get all we want.

We're ordinary people, living ordinary lives, but we can be extraordinary in the way we see, feel and transform the World. This growth can only come from Love. Really, start loving yourself to really, in truth, Love others.

Genuine Love says "I Love you, therefore I want you to be happy". Genuine Love holds yourself and others gently, with care, and allowing transformation to happen.

Fill fulfilled with yourself first, otherwise you're putting into the other all your expectations, your desires, and you forget that the other person is struggling too.

Love is growth, inner growth. To Love, you must start by accepting who you are, love yourself, and then, accept the other as they are,
as they come and as they go...

“Have you ever wanted to ask a question but you didn’t because you knew in your heart that you wouldn’t be able to handle the answer?”

... be brave and be truly honest with yourself. Nobody else has anything to do it with it. It's your Life, your choices, your own lessons, mistakes. It's your Life, no one else. You're the one who's breathing and feeling it all. You're the one who has to handle those doubts, fears and insecurities. It's your Life.

But, there's one thing you should care about that it isn't about you.

Respect others, their doubts and choices.
It's their Life.

Run like a race for family
When you hear like you're alone
The rusted gears of morning
To faceless busy phones
We gladly run in circles
But the shape we meant to make is gone

Love is a tired symphony
Tou hum when you're awake
Love is a crying baby
Mama warned you not to shake
Love is the best sensation
Hiding in the lion's mane

So I'll clear the road, the gravel
And the thornbush in your path
That burns a scented oil
That I'll drip into your bath
The water's there to warm you
And the earth is warmer
When you laugh

Love is a scene I render
When you catch me wide awake
Love's a dream you enter
Though I shake and shake and shake you
Love is the best endeavor
Waiting in the lion's mane

“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”
—
Abraham Maslow

Why do we have Words for things that don't exist?

Like the word "Forever"... or it's opposite.

Because we're souls, beyond time, beyond matter, beyond what the brightest mind can imagine. Sometimes Art can show us glimpses of those other possible realities... or it can set us free.

Either way, it's up to each one of us to find out their own voice, shape and passion. We will fail, we will disappoint, but we will learn, grow and rise. Let yourself fall into Love. Make mistakes. Don't behold in fear. Feel it.

“Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.”
_
Anonymous

Melodious bitter-sweet sadness...

"Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along."
_
Anonymous



Quando o dia entardeceu
E o teu corpo tocou
Num recanto do meu
Uma dança acordou
E o sol apareceu
De gigante ficou
Num instante apagou
O sereno do céu

E a calma a aguardar lugar em mim
O desejo a contar segundo o fim.
Foi num ar que te deu
E o teu canto mudou
E o teu corpo no meu
Uma trança arrancou
E o sangue arrefeceu
E o meu pé aterrou
Minha voz sussurrou
O meu sonho morreu

Dá-me o mar, o meu rio, minha calçada.
Dá-me o quarto vazio da minha casa
Vou deixar-te no fio da tua fala.
Sobre a pele que há em mim
Tu não sabes nada.

Quando o amor se acabou
E o meu corpo esqueceu
O caminho onde andou
Nos recantos do teu
E o luar se apagou
E a noite emudeceu
O frio fundo do céu
Foi descendo e ficou.

Mas a mágoa não mora mais em mim
Já passou, desgastei
Para lá do fim
É preciso partir
É o preço do amor
Para voltar a viver
Já nem sinto o sabor
A suor e pavor
Do teu colo a ferver
Do teu sangue de flor
Já não quero saber.

Dá-me o mar, o meu rio, a minha estrada.
O meu barco vazio na madrugada
Vou deixar-te no frio da tua fala.
Na vertigem da voz
Quando enfim se cala.

_
A Pele Que Há Em Mim
Márcia 

“An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you.”
— 

Goi Nasu

Setting my intentions...

Enlarge your World...

Books,
they carry your soul, nourish it, fill it with hopes, dreams, desires, conquests and turbulent inner dialogues that teach you about companionship, forgiveness and ultimately, about Love.
Thank you writers of this world. Thank you, thinkers of this world.
Technology and Science allow us to live longer and maybe suffer less, but Art allows you to overcome.

On Letting Go

"My dentist once told me that letting go is like pulling a tooth. When it was pulled out, you’re relieved, but how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where the tooth once was? Probably a hundred times a day. Just because it wasn't hurting you doesn’t mean you didn't notice it. It leaves a gap and sometimes you see yourself missing it terribly. It’s going to take a while, but it takes time. Should you have kept the tooth? No, because it was causing you so much pain. Therefore, move on and let go."
_
Anonymous

Selfishness & Cowardness ... what could the antidote be?

... your friends will tell you, "Oh, you didn't know any better", or "It's life...". They'll try to protect you from the harsh truth that you were (are) wrong, that you didn't do the right thing, that you don't do anything of what you preach, but hey, who does it really? ... well, that's choosing the easy, unworthy way to live. We don't know what we're doing in this planet. Nobody knows exactly. There are hints, very good hints, very good theories on this overwhelming subject of what it means to be human in some planet, in a very big vast Universe, but we need to accept that "we don't know" to have the humbleness to learn.

So I don't know.

But not knowing doesn't give me an excuse to be selfish or coward. There's no excuse for that.

Selfishness starts when we become to choose too much just for ourselves. When we start choosing based on what we can get other than what we can give/exchange. And it builds up towards unhealthy expectations. We start believing that we deserve better just because we know we deserve better. Everyone deserves better. Every child, adult or old person deserves better. Can we have it all at the same time? Well, if all that we want is to get, then not really.
We must also find the pleasure of giving. Getting by giving.
Give what, if I don't have much?!

Giving by listening. To be a good listener, you have to let go of your own beliefs—even for just a moment in time. You can’t be thinking of your next words or move—or that your own thoughts are better and more worthwhile.

Giving by letting your needs be met after others. Do you really need everything at this moment and in some specific way? Learn to let it go. If right now it's not a good moment to do things your way, can't you do them later, your way still...

Giving by putting yourself in others shoes. We don't know much about the real reasons behind someone else's decisions and feelings. Understanding that everyone is doing the best they can, given their situation, background experience, education, beliefs or lack of understanding is key. We're all made of the same stuff, meaning that if you were the other person (walking in their shoes), you would be exactly the same way they are.

... and giving by not being a coward.
Own your truth, own your decisions, own your Life, your breath, your voice, your body.
Cowards don't Love. How can you Love if you don't even have the courage to be yourself, to Love yourself? Cowardness lives in the hearts of the hatred as they fail to speak their beliefs. Cowards don't ever forgive. They recoil as any shotgun after firing and hide.
Own your Life. Face your fears.

That 1st Kiss...

I wish I could let her, him, they know.
I wish the people that have and still do inhabit my Life knew how much Love I have for them and the deepest respect for the Love I've felt/feel from them.

All my Life I've met wonderful beings for whom I got important teachings. Teachings from all kinds. From the most simple one, teaching me how to play, to teaching me how to open and trust others.

Life is a mystery. Nothing ever is what it seems. The only sure thing I have in me is the Love and care I've shared in this Life and for that I'm so thankful and feel blessed. For that I feel that I need to be better and do better to others. Because when, despite the failures, sadness and mistakes, we still manage to dream and believe we are part of a great Universe, we learn how much greater all actually is.

It's not just your job, food in the plate, health and procreation. It's way bigger than all that. We are really all part of one bigger project, one larger and infinite dimension where, the same energy that created the stars and planets all united by a beautiful blanket of celestial matter, lives within each of us and we're all connected in a thread of colective consciouness.

If we want to be free, to Love, to expand, we can't be holding on to what details shape our Life. We go through some big lessons that shape who we are and what we believe, but it's important that we realize that those are lessons, not the final note of a great soul symphony. Our place in this world is the same as any other existing being. We're not more important than anyone or anything. We have our own place and from that place, from that specific heart beat, we can add another note, another vibration, that will takes us all towards dimensions unknown to us. We're simple people living simple lives of hurt and joy, broken or healed hearts, fearing or brave, in solitude or in companionship, disappointed or feeling admiration,  in sad disbelieve or with faith.

So in this shy and not so brave way, but still a way, I wish to tell her, him and them... THANK YOU, and please let Love heal your soul.

Choose your “Heroin”

What is Life?
Is it what you do with it, is it what you feel while you’re living it, or is it what it’s learned once you’ve lived?

I presume we can all agree that we’re here to make mistakes and learn from them, and that Life is about those learning “opportunities”. Bitter or sweet, I guess it depends on how you want to perceive it, or better, it depends on your own strength to choose how good you want to feel about your choices.

So Life might be the result of a choice?

Choices are usually something not so easy to do. Too much thinking and playing ahead. And, as we don’t live alone in some isolated island, gladly! mistakes are witnessed and talked about.

So Life is a choice that is seen, heard and re-interpreted.

General opinion tends to be not very sentimental about our choices. Either they're good or bad ones. I think it's not wrong to say that we lean easily more into a bitter side than a sweeter (... hey, that’s how we grow up. Either you do something good that pleases everyone and you get a treat or you do something "wrong", that is too different or stupid, and you’re punished).

Summarizing, Life is a choice that is continuously scrutinized by a difficult jury which verdict dictates if your Life is/was a good one.

So I guess if I want to have a Good Life I better be a good advocate of my own choices.

To become a good advocate you have to study, read and of course, become experienced on the subject. Just a quick note, the "victim" and the "prosecutor" of those choices are the same person, you, so really, we need to have very clear ideas of what we want and the intentions clearer.

The “equation” goes like this: do + feel + good or bad lawyer (interpretation) = Life. In that sense we can then presume that if we DO things (so no procrastination, laziness or hiding away, get moving!) and FEEL them while we’re doing them, being present, putting our full attention on the experience and then JUSTIFYING what a great learning experience it was, then rest assure, you'll have a good and fulfilling Life.

What Life is can be described as the sum of your choices, your thoughts on those choices and what came out of that experience, the verdict.

So… choose Life…

“Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin can openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life . . . But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?”
_
Trainspotting

Choose your “Heroin”!

Choose whatever inspires you to be the best you can be, while having fun and joy with it, and even better, while sharing with others those good and positive vibes. Do + Feel + Outcome = LIFE

So, you'll always have to choose, which way, which path, but you'll never know if it's the wrong or the right path, but that doesn't really matter. What matters is how you feel about your choices and where you lead yourself. The outcome is your Life.

Choose your heroin means, choose the things that will stimulate your brain and heart to your fullest potential. Don't let yourself be caught by fake notions of "shoulds" and "coulds". What do you want, why do you want it, what will you do with it?

“Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?”
—
Rumi

If you really want to change and become free... find Compassion.

We all suffer, we have suffering in our Life.
That suffering is very important to find happiness.
They are part of the same oneness.

You can't have a right side, without a left. You can't have flowers without rain.
We are all and everything. We're not separated.

41'00 (video)
Call the ones in your Life and listen to them. Truly listen to them.
Embrace their hurt, hold them tenderly.
Allow their release.
Know if you understand them enough.

 “When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change.”
—
Thich Nhat Hanh

12'00 (video)
To feel real compassion you need to Love yourself.
You have to be able to offer you, Love and Compassion.
Help yourself suffer less. Take care of yourself.
Offer your presence to yourself.

“A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms.”

LOVE vs LUST

On Sadness...

... you feel disconnected, a far from the usual dimension of existence. You feel you're not your "normal" you, you feel like crying and although you can find at least one, two or three good reasons to do so, it's not because of them you need to cry. It's sadness. You feel sad.

The world is alive, moving, people are creating, moving, but you don't reach it. You can't reach it, you've lost your TOUCH.

You can still see, hear, smell and taste it... but you can't touch it, and that leaves you in the loneliest/scariest place you've known. You feel sad...

When you don't feel has being part of this world, you get disattached from it and so your spirit leads you into question your own existence. You stop making sense of you are, why you're here and what use you could be for this world. The spirit questions if it's time to find a new home, or go back Home.

We all want to belong, to be necessary, to be there...

“Every day we slaughter our finest impulses. That is why we get a heartache when we read those lines written by the hand of a master and recognize them as our own, as the tender shoots which we stifled because we lacked the faith to believe in our own powers, our own criterion of truth and beauty. Every man, when he gets quiet, when he becomes desperately honest with himself, is capable of uttering profound truths. We all derive from the same source. There is no mystery about the origin of things. We are all part of creation, all kings, all poets, all musicians; we have only to open up, only to discover what is already there.”
—
Henry Miller

Feeling sad is the 1st step to start feeling again. You need to feel hurt to wake up again to feel release, to feel peace and let go. From sadness we remember again that we're here, right now, because we are, and that simple thought of "I exist" is the key to continue. I will always exist, wherever I am, even beyond my physicality. I'm part of everything, so everything is part of me. I'm great, I'm a miracle, I am Life.

“The world into which we are born is brutal and cruel, and at the same time of divine beauty. (...) In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order... we are caught and entangled in aimless experience... It is a moment of collapse... Only when all crutches and props are broken, and no cover from the rear offers even the slightest hope of security, does it become possible for us to experience an archetype that up till then had lain hidden... this is the archetype of meaning."
—
 Carl Gustav Jung

Be still. Don't be afraid of feeling sad. Don't be afraid of being alone.
It's important for you to feel more than ordinary. Feel... love you.

Forgiveness

"Each of us has something in our life that is a source of regret, grief, shame, guilt or sadness… something we’ve said or done that haunts us, distracts us, and weighs on our heart. Breaking a promise, making a bad or non-nourishing choice, lying and getting caught, cheating on a partner, saying something that was mean, not speaking up when you could have… The list of universal transgressions that we all share is limitless. And just as the resentment we may have for another person can turn us outwardly bitter – the anger we hold in our own heart – for ourselves – can inwardly damage us even more as it festers and overwhelms us. These toxic, destructive emotions can lead to cynicism, reactivity, and depression. But we can begin the process of healing whenever we are ready to give ourselves permission to forgive.
(...)
Ask yourself, “Knowing what I now know, would I have acted differently?”
(...)
Saying to yourself, “I am a bad person” — is toxic and disempowering. It’s devolutionary. The fact that you would now choose differently means you are NOT a bad person – but someone who chose poorly in a given moment – just as we all have.
(...)
Give yourself permission to acknowledge your less conscious choice AND make a personal commitment to making more conscious ones going forward."
_
Davidji

 

"We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves."

_

Dalai Lama