Because we Feel

Walking in thin ice...

We get educated, through school, through others, we learn to copy letters, words, sentences, whole texts! and by the time you're an adult we're really good at copying. Yes, that's what we're get good at: copying what others have done and have been doing ever since.

We also learn to think for ourselves, but that's "basic" instinct. That's the brain acting smart in order to protect its integrity, its sanity.

To be sane in a not very logic world it's a challenge that most of us, no matter how wealthy, which ethnicity or detected craziness, have a hard time to deal with it. We can be very smart, but there's always this sensation that we might be standing over a thin layer of ice that could break and we would easily drown in Lalaland, the land where emotions rule and logic works as a cubist painting: gives some shape, but ultimately it only messes things up.

Passionate people have fortunately spoke out loud about their convictions on the emotional world. Be it Damasio who made the connection between emotional world and physiology,  Cury who manages to see it through what makes the brilliant mind so brilliant, or Servan-Schreider  who through another scientific perspective brings light to what Neurology has been finding about our brain: that part of it is animal and the other a direct result of evolution in itself.

We're this grey mass, that speaks through a body, that collects impressions, but most importantly, that feels.

Some people try their best to hide their feelings away, to be more like machines, paying high prices for their mistakes for they're not allowed to be careless. But, even them, at some point, get caught by a feeling of inadequacy, and the beautiful castle of cards just falls into randomness again.

No one is 100% logic. We are humans, and as the words indicates, we're resilient but permeable, we're sympathetic and solidaric but individualistic, we're sensitive, but we choose in favour of self-sufficiency, self-living. And this sounds like a balanced way of responding to life's questions and challenges, but then we go too far and suddenly we are harassed by anxiety, by too much honesty, by angriness.

So we must think about things, but we must be the guards of how much thinking we're doing. As said by the great Master, "We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality." Einstein.

So, the continuum big question is, how do we connect the Heart to the thinking machine, aka, Brain? In some situations we get the perfect combination, Heart and Mind are in tune, but what makes that perfect combination?

"Each experience has its own velocity according to which it wants to be lived if it is to be new, profound, and fruitful. To have wisdom means to discover this velocity in each individual case."
_
Rilke

We make the experiences, the experiences make us. We choose and are chosen. We think and we shut down. Caught between a birth and a death, we try to be normal and live a Life that is recognized as honest and respectful. Inside ourselves we give it meaning, we tell the story that will most appease our dreams and fears, for one is the other side of another. So we connect our Heart to our Brain through meaning, so how do we get the sense of meaning?
Through strong connections, through full relationships.

Physically we connect to existence through taste, smell, touch, listening, looking...
Emotionally we connect through Love. When we look at each other in the eye and feel our hearts beating, we answer most of our existential questions. Intimate relationships anchors us firmly in our existence. We don’t question the meaning of life when we're engaged in meaningful and loving actions... closeness give us meaning.

It can be hard to trust in one another, so much of ourselves is offered through intimacy, but... "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rilke, and through that process of living and learning, we get wiser on what speed, rhythm, colors or language does our Heart speak softly to our brain and our brain responds to our Heart.

"When you judge, you see differences. When you love, you see people." (...) When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."
—
Michael Barata

COURT ROOM...

"She has something of her very own,
something suffered,
accomplished, perfected."
—
Rainer Maria Rilke

"Mistakes are almost always of a sacred nature. Never try to correct them. On the contrary: rationalize them, understand them thoroughly. After that, it will be possible for you to sublimate them."
—
Salvador Dali

Choose Life & Play

We think we've learned, we tell ourselves that we've got it! Things seem to make sense and fit in our nicely arranged boxes, seem to be working, seem to be steady, seem to answer most of our doubts/questions... yep, this must be it, this must be how life works... big smile on your lips, confident look, yeah! we can see it clearly now, the sky is blue! ... but wait, no... what's that??? no, no, no... that doesn't fit our plans, that doesn't go with the scenario, no, it's not supposed to work like this, come on! really??? ... Yeah, Life is full of surprises... and we shouldn't be surprised by that.

That's why words like flow, let it be, let it go, just be here and now, quiet the mind etc, are supposed to help us. But we can't just be still, we have to do something! We need to breathe, eat... There are problems to be solved. So how can we balance being still and active at the same time?

Well, I guess it's about being round, complete, balanced, being one in all.

To be here you need to be actively here. There's only day and night because the Earth keeps rotating around the Sun. In sum, Presence = being quiet, but alive.

How you choose to be present that's your active choice. Active choice.

"Be an artist of consciousness. Your picture of reality is your most important creation. Make it powerfully profoundly beautiful."
—
Alex Grey

So the power of Choice is usually a misunderstood one, because we question, what choice??? Most likely we say: "Oh, if I had a choice I would...", ok, would what?
What would you do?

Ah, you would, but you can't, you don't have the means for it, it's not the right time, you need to take care of some things first... sure, you're free to choose whatever it's important for you right now, but be reminded that you're choosing.

... What's important for you right now?

For most children is to play and interact, because not only they have fun, they actually learn a lot, they share experiences, discover new things, they learn to think for themselves in the messy environment of other selves, playground!
For adults... well, for adults it's the exact same thing: to play and interact.
We desire to experience life and share it. We want to discover new things and learn to think for ourselves in the messy environment of society.

So what's important for you is the same for everybody. It just gets different shapes, shades and rhythms, but the nature is the same.

We experience the world through interaction with others in the workplace, in sports, in hobbies, in social gatherings, and that is what being alive means: being one with all. One (you) with All (everything).

It's when we break that flow of being, that we get sick and unbalanced. It's when we quit, give up, stop, recoil, hide, that we break the natural energy flow.

You know what it's important for you. Of course it requires effort, everything, from humans to machines, requires effort to function, but you can choose your focus and style (grace).

"Grace is the beauty of form under the influence of freedom."
_
Friedrich Schiller

And you can also choose to IGNORE what doesn't serve your purpose.
Ignore it. Intentionally disregard what not brings you health, peace or love.

Respect being alive. Purge negativity. Starve guilty feelings.
Listen to music, play, stay curious, "use all of your life's string, as in a kite".



If you have a bit more time, read the next text from Meggie Royer.
It will take you very much to the point.

The morning after I killed myself

"The morning after I killed myself, I woke up. I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels. The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed. The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine. The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication. The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother. The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach. The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started."

Bargain or rip-off?

... did you know that Life has a price? No, you can't buy it, but you can spend it.

And so many times we waste it in such foolish and pedantic ways. Acting on whims, thinking that we're being honest and sincere with ourselves and others. How well do you know yourself to trust blindly in your caprice?

But we know we all make mistakes, we all end up acting more or less mindless for most of the time, and because we're not that different from one another we forgive, we shrink our shoulders and hope for the best. And you keep being fortune on you careless way towards Life. Life's deviant nature carries you again out of another sad or desperate time and you find that right tune that keeps you going; sweet dreams lead you once more into another adventure, challenge or change. It's Life, and it's happening. But how much of your appreciation and respect goes towards this miracle?

Life can be wasted or gained. We can literally add years to our Life or loose them in memories that hurt too much to be recalled.

If when you look back, there are too many moments in your Life you wish you had done things differently, than while you still can, do things differently.

We know we can't change the Past, it's the Past that changes us, so we can only look straight ahead to what we have in front of us. Well, we should also look behind our shoulders because most probably that's where your attention should be. Who do you have that is there to look out for you, to listen, to dream with you, to laugh and bring you back to your senses?

Life can have a price that it's too much to bear, or it's a bargain for all you take out of it.
How do you feel about it?

"I live my life based on two principles. One, I live as if today was my last day on earth. Two, I live today as if I am going to live forever."
_
Osho 

“It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important“

 

"Stay away from people who belittle your goals. Small people always do that, but the really great ones make you feel like you can do anything."
—
Mark Twain  
 

And you look everywhere, towards all directions, towards all the faces you know and faces you see for the first time, and there's no recognition of what you know or lived. Everything feels disconnected from it's common place, from normality. There isn't anything that speaks to you or makes you feel at home. You're not in the wrong place but you're not somewhere close either...

And time flows like a river. The water just keeps sliding of your hands, passing through the sensitive skin between your fingers. It feels nice, but how can you sustain it for just a bit longer?

You don't feel like you belong anywhere, but you're here and you're part of everything. As if you've lost your clothes and you're standing naked in solitude.
Who are you when no one is watching?
Who is this ignorance person that questions him/herself about who they are and gets no answer?

You love but you say you're lost. You care, but you know very little about this all everything. You desire and wish but you complain there's hurt in believing with your eyes closed.


You can see your own shadow on the ground, and staring at your full grown hand you whisper to yourself that there's more in you than anyone will ever know.

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."
—
Friedrich Nietzsche 

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple."
—
Dr. Seuss

How to be real rather than rehearsed?

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”
_
Alfred D. Souza

Living far too long in the "gotta do" Land, one gets tired of asking himself, or others, what is the purpose in all this rushing and planning and moving on to the next new "score".

The usual answer is that you gotta pay the bills, you gotta guarantee your kids future, you gotta provide for yourself, you gotta find a mate, you just gotta... so you gotta make a list, a plan, you gotta be better and faster, you gotta keep moving! ...  It's true that we must be independent and self sufficient, but if we don't search or give any substantial meaning to our existence, sadly we don't add anything else and we become mere consumers of reality. Consumers of others time, consumers of products and consumers of stuff.  And of course, because we don't value our own self that much we become disconnected, in the worst case we start feeling sad and our self-esteem goes down the drain. "(...) Low self-esteem is not due to not thinking enough about ourselves but rather thinking too much about ourselves and how others perceive us."


So, go on with your "gotta's" but everyday, make an assessment of where you're going, of who you're becoming. It is never too late to turn back and start a new path. The biggest obstacle to self-realization/happiness is ourselves: "me?! get me!". It's the self-imposed dreams and goals and the never ending demands on life that set up our rhythm, our soul beat. Lets get excited, let's be foolish, lets talk seriously, but, most important of all, let's be honest with our own self. Lets be real rather than rehearsed.

"No one in the world was ever you before, with your particular gifts and abilities and possibilities. It's a shame to waste those by doing what someone else has done."
_
Joseph Campbell