shoji: birth-death

Maybe because humans are very smart, or, well, putting it gently, are very dumb, only through the experience of the opposite do we understand what actually is true or right for us.

We’re not ok in being alone, but we probably feel uncomfortable in a crowd; we don’t have what we want or we have too much going on; we hope for settling up some roots, but having very few options makes us wish for more choices; being alive but with fear of living; searching for a cure, but wishing the strength to give up. And, want we all internally, deeply and foremost live for, Love. Aspiring for a great Love and incapables of loving ourselves.

“In the realm of feeling, the productive orientation is expressed in love, which is the experience of union with another person, with all men, and with nature, under the condition of retaining one’s sense of integrity and independence. In the experience of love the paradox happens that two people become one, and remain two at the same time. Love in this sense is never restricted to one person. If I can love only one person, and nobody else, if my love for one person makes me more alienated and distant from my fellow man, I may be attached to this person in any number of ways, yet I do not love.”

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Erich Fromm

So we need to live through the idea of loss, of pain, of confusion, to appreciate where we are, how and who with. We need to be close to an end, to rethink and miss the beginning.

So maybe opposites are not so distant related. Maybe opposites are part of the same family, hyphenated, inseparable. We do know the closeness of Love and Hate, of Peace and Turbulence, of Forgiveness and Memory, of Life and Death…

In Japanese Zen, the term shoji translates as “birth-death.” There is no separation between life and death other than a small hyphen, a thin line that connects the two.

Through pain and loss we find inner love and forgiveness. We grow, in the sense that, the frontier of who we are expands into a wider reality, an immersion in the world in all its different levels, perspectives.

A warm bed when it’s cold outside…

“Dying is inevitable and intimate. I have seen ordinary people at the end of their lives develop profound insights and engage in a powerful process of transformation that helped them to emerge as someone larger, more expansive, and much more real than the small, separate selves they had previously taken themselves to be. This is not a fairy-tale happy ending that contradicts the suffering that came before, but rather a transcendence of tragedy…. I have witnessed a heart-opening occurring in not only people near death, but also their caregivers. They found a depth of love within themselves that they didn’t know they had access to. They discovered a profound trust in the universe and the reliable goodness of humanity that never abandoned them, regardless of the suffering they encountered. If that possibility exists at the time of dying, it exists here and now.”

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Frank Ostaseski

It really is when we no longer can have, that we miss.

That's why all the highlighted quotes on living in the now, to be present now, carpe diem, for me and you and everyone we know...

Scars

Scars…

Everyone has at least one, well hidden or right at sight for anyone to see. The story behind them might be of bravery or, the opposite, forever ashamed for a wrong decision. The last one forever hurts and weights up in any future decision. 

For some, scars are reminder that they survived. For others, a reminder that they failed. But both are alive, and with that focus in mind, a deep appreciation for Life’s second chances is something we all should feel. 

You, me, we are alive, with stories to tell and simple dreams to fulfil.

Everyone has regrets, but the weight in them depends on the lesson we choose to embrace. I have regrets that will over shadow some laughs, some wishes, but I recognise them and with that in mind I hold on to second chances, and of course, more importantly, I try not to repeat them.

In the past I once chose to be selfish and blind. Even if a bit unconsciously, I chose not to see or be seen. But hiding yourself in a cave, lying to yourself about what’s really happening, will only amplify your inner fears. Because of that scar that is now present in me, I have learned that selfishness is an infertile ground, and whatever the situation we’re facing, it’s always best to say and do whatever will bring love, peace and laughter to that moment.

Then Life will continue to shape us and our reaction to things will change. If life is not an easy task, let’s find a reason to find some fulfilment: kids, partners, work, friends, mission… a good life is not about self pleasures, but most, about friends, family, social interaction. Sure, we can live some crazy adventure on our own, but sharing that story afterwards is what will give more meaning to it.

So we need LOVE.

Being crazy rich, being super smart will create a successful life, but without Love, without that understanding of others and their emotions, you’re alone.

Love, also unusually called Flow, is what will give yourself meaning. Flow and Play. Savouring what Life as to offer while embracing Life’s challenges, while being mindfulness of what is out and inside you. And being present. Being present in our friends life, in our loved ones lives, being cheerful with gratitude for Life’s second chance to get it right this time.

“Attention without feeling … is only a report.”

“The end of life has its own nature, also worth our attention. I don’t say this without reckoning in the sorrow, the worry, the many diminishments. But surely it is then that a person’s character shines or glooms.”
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Mary Oliver

We are all close to an end, for Life always seems to short in time. whatever is that we are dwelling on, let’s find the compassion to forgive, to understand and to give a second chance. We all need each other, we all need to be loved, we all need to find some fulfilment and purpose in Life. If not, we stay sad and feel as outsiders, and too soon we’ll give up. Don’t give up, face your scars and praise them for your strength in surviving them.

A scar does not form on the dying. A scar means I survived.

—  Chris Cleave, Little Bee