Frustration.
And the realisation that once more, you did it again.
There's no possible positivity wave to be caught when, right in front of your eyes, you see that nothing changed, no growth, no freedom conquered. Where have you been? How come nothing was learned, how could you let it all happen again?...
Well, that's Life. Or our childish way of living before thinking.
It's a risk one has to take, to either follow their pseudo-intuition, our imperfect knowledge.
We know so little.
Knowledge can be read and listened to, but to actually discover life, we have to make mistakes.
Discovery is made with tears and sweat, by people who are constantly getting the wrong answer. To discover is too explore, to go beyond what/who we are supposed to be.
Why do we know more now than we knew ten thousand years ago, or even ten years ago? Is it really just because we could be smarter? Or because we have actually evolve through error and failed attempts?
Yeap, we have to go for it, for what we are searching for in order to really know ourselves.
As artists so claim, better to die of passion than to follow a Life of boredom, but pain will be your companion. Be prepared for that.
“However meaningless and vain, however dead life appears, the man of faith, of energy, of warmth steps in and does something (…) If one wants to be active, one mustn’t be afraid to do something wrong sometimes, not afraid to lapse into some mistakes. To be good — many people think that they’ll achieve it by doing no harm — and that’s a lie…”
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Van Gogh
Life truly is about taking risks. When we are little it's the most obvious thing, that's why there's no day like the previous and the next day to come is a daunting task! We go through innumerable tries and fails, and do we really get discouraged? No. We expect to fail, but we also know we will get it one day!
Unfortunately all too often parents, teachers and society push us further away from taking risks by instilling fear, by punishing failure or by making success seem way too precious.
Remember those first bike attempts? Scary! but one day we started riding them and going further way and trying new tricks. With people, and especially with Love, it's a bit more complicated than learning how to ride a bike, but it's still an adventure that can lead us into sweet trips.
"Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness."
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Bertrand Russel
Unfortunately in today's society seems that people are no longer being loved and things just being used. Feels that things are instead now being loved and people used, all with a push of a button.
If we really don't want to feel lost, frustrated, sad, we need to follow our interests and risk making bad choices, as long as the reasons behind our choices are based on Love. But this Love can't be just a curiosity, an itch, a "we'll see what happens" sort of a thing. No, first you need to know yourself, and figure out what vibrates in you, for the best trick to making good mistakes is not to ignore them, especially from yourself. It really is "a fault to wish to be understood before we have made ourselves clear to ourselves.”
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Simone Weil
This applies on loving someone or following a life style passion.
"What makes Heroic? — To face simultaneously one’s greatest suffering and one’s highest hope (...) There is one path in the world that none can walk but you. Where does it lead? Don’t ask, walk!"
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Friedrich Nietzsche
It really seems that the most fulfilling human projects appear inseparable from a degree of doubt, fear, anxiety, loss... Why? Because no one is able to produce without experience, nor be a great lover at the first attempt. We need to take the risk, and once we know ourselves well, follow your dream, immerse yourself.
Birds flying high
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good
I'm feeling good
(..,)
