Friday, November 14, 2014

The Will for Meaning

"(...) man's main concern is not to gain pleasure or to avoid pain but rather to see a meaning in his life."
_
Viktor Frankl
 
For most of us, thankfully, our basic needs are met daily. Not only we have food, a place to sleep, friends, we also have technology that allows us to know more about the world. But we also have infinite choices and no excuse not to be productive, creative, successful, smart, independent, strong, happy!

Do we feel happy most of the time? or do we feel more like trapped in "happiness"?
 
We know this, we know that material stuff doesn't bring lasting happiness, but why? What's lacking? Meaning. Things, people or actions bring us happiness when they mean something important to you.

"We need a different conception of happiness, more enduring and more genuine, not dependent on external circumstances. (...) The key to a healthy life is having a healthy mind."
_
Richard J. Davidson
 
So we can work towards that Happiness!
People argue that the circumstances, the timing, the weather it's just not right.  But what's not right is how we separate our left brain from our right, how we separate looking versus feeling successful.
Yes, the magic dust is: to Feel.

"Being an educated person requires—being a full person, requires a certain ability to deal with dissonance. (...) I’m Jewish, was raised Jewish. I brought up my kids in the Jewish tradition. We celebrate Jewish traditions. And the religion means something to me. At the same time, I’m a scientist. And data means an awful lot to me. And I clearly believe in evolution and it’s really hard to get away from the undirected nature of change selected by environment and, you know, the science I do has really, leaves very little room for purpose in evolution. And yet there are deep reasons to want to have purpose in life. (...)  I don’t attempt to reconcile the religious side and the scientific side. Just as I don’t try to ever argue that the scientific way of knowing is the only way of knowing. (...) You know, literature has ways of knowing that are non-scientific. (...) Art has ways of knowing that are different. Music has ways. And maybe someday people will be smart enough to integrate them into one common way of knowing."
_
Eric Lander
 
We need to feel the connection, we need to feel that Life is more that facts, money, things.
We need to feel there is something higher and greater than us.

"Studies of our biological constitution make it increasingly clear that we are social creatures of meaning, who crave a sense of coherence and purpose. Yet, our modern way of life seems to provide fewer and fewer opportunities to engage in the group life that satisfies these human needs—indeed, many of its structures and institutions stunts these very needs.”
_
Steven Quartz

Anne McIlroy, long-time journalist, when interviewing Dr. Beauregard, neuroscientist (from University of Montreal's psychology department) posed these questions about a scientific experiment with nuns: "Are humans hard-wired to have religious or spiritual experiences, which are common to almost every culture on Earth? What happens in the brain when they do have them? Is it something that non-religious people might be able to replicate with the right stimulation? Is a transcendent Buddhist experience, often described as feeling connected to everyone and everything in the universe, the same as Christians' unio mystica? Can religion and spirituality make people healthier, as some studies suggest?"
 
So, not only we do better when we believe in something, we become healthier, happier and even more productive!
 
"Individuals and organizations that see themselves as “more spiritual” do better. They are more productive, creative and adaptive. The people in these organizations are more energized and productive because their work isn't solely about stock options and vacations and coffee breaks. Spiritual organizations are animated by meaning, by wholeness, and by seeing their work connected to events and people beyond themselves. "
_
Mitroff and Denton
 
There's more...!
 
"I believe that inspired leadership boils down to two things. The world would be a better place if we loved each other, and if we told the truth. If I express love, will people think I am weak, flaky, without resolve? A leader who has the courage to be humble, forgiving, loving, and therefore authentic, is much more effective, and inspiring than one who works using fear psychosis. I define love as the place where my heart touches your heart, and adds to who you are as a person.”
_ 
Dr Lance Secretan, PhD
 
In the book "The Progress Paradox: How Life Gets Better While People Feel Worse", Gregg Easterbrook writes: “Ever larger numbers of people enjoy reasonable standards of living, but may feel an inner pang on the question of whether their lives have purpose. Predicting transition from ‘material want’ is not to say that people will cease caring about material things; it is a prediction that millions will expect both pleasant living standards and a broad sense that their lives have purpose [emphasis added]. This is a conundrum, as the sense of meaning is much more difficult to acquire than possessions.”
 
In 2004, 10 years ago, here's what was predicted in Forbes Mag by journalist Rich Karlgaard: "(...) Meaning. Purpose. Deep life experience. Use whatever word or phrase you like, but know that consumer desire for these qualities is on the rise. Remember your Abraham Maslow and your Viktor Frankl. Bet your business on it."

Would you like a formula? Guess what, someone already thought about it:
The Pleasant Life, The Good Life & The Meaningful Life!
From the founder of Positive Psychology:
  • The pleasant life: a life that successfully pursues the positive emotions about the present, past, and future;
  • The good life: using your signature strengths to obtain abundant gratification (through activities we like doing) in the main realms of your life;
  • The meaningful life: using your signature strengths and virtues in the service of something much larger than you are.
_
Martim Seligman
 
Dr. Seligman believes that lasting happiness lies in progressing through each until we achieve the ability to have most of our happiness come from living the meaningful life. "Well-being cannot exist just in your own head. Well-being is a combination of feeling good as well as actually having meaning, good relationships and accomplishment."
 
 
 Make each ring count...
 
“Through my love for you, I want to express my love for the whole cosmos, the whole of humanity, and all beings. By living with you, I want to learn to love everyone and all species. If I succeed in loving you, I will be able to love everyone and all species on Earth… This is the real message of love.

Thich Nhat Hanh

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Fear exists to keep us comfortable, but it's uncomfortable...



Fear exists to keep us comfortable, but it's uncomfortable...
So... release it! Bah, who cares about being comfortable!
Isn't better to be uncomfortably being hold by someone you like ; )
or uncomfortably waiting in line for that thing you want!
or, just not felling so at ease to try out that new thing...

Accept that life is uncomfortable and get the most out of it!
... hey, start avoiding want's "uncomfortable" and you'll see, that huge cloud over your head, puff, gone ; )

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Speak with/to your mind

Why is it that it’s so much easier to correct others while it’s so much tougher for us to correct ourselves?

“Correct your mind & the rest will fall into place”
_
Buddha

We're too easy on words. We say them out loud and most of the time we don't measure their strength and consequences. But when they're directed at us, we can feel them alright and the anxiety that surges inside either makes us grab a bar of chocolate, a drink or a pillow.

We need to learn how to speak with ourselves, how to negotiate, how to build a trusting and caring relationship.

We believe that what we think can stay inside. We believe that if we don't address it, no harm will come, as it lies within the serpentine chaos of our mind, no one will see it, and we'll still look calm and stylish. Well, it doesn't work like that...

What we think not only doesn't stay inside, hidden, as it can also harm us.

Our thoughts are like the air we breath. Toxic air makes you sick. Toxic thoughts make you sick.

So, next time you see that you're building up a terrible script, dialogue in your head, shout: CUT!
And repeat the scene, this time, with your heart in it.
Love and respect yourself.



Friday, November 7, 2014

Love includes a sense of responsibility, accepting others as they are, with all their strengths and weaknesses

Thich Nhat Hanh


The real Human Freedom - Choice

Does anyone ever come from an healthy background? Psychologically I mean...

Well, usually when parents show Love, not only towards their kids, but specially, crucially, between themselves, there's a chance for openness and care that allows anyone in the family to talk about their problems, their JOYS and that's healthy...

You don't think you come from an healthy background? Well, think again, or deeper.

Your background, despite of what were the environmental conditions, is actually your inner self. Something that came along with you before you were even born. You're spirit, your soul.

Nowadays most of us live with a inner fear for our own Life, our own mental health, our capacity of growing and becoming responsible adults, and when there's kids and other family members involved, the paranoia becomes even greater. And it's that same fear that imprisons us into a co-dependent life with the outside conditions. You can't control what your boss is thinking, or the financial markets tendencies, or what the psychological mood of the other drivers is. The only thing that is your own responsibility is yourself, your inner self, that "voice" that you were born with and that walks by your side your entire Life.

An example of this, one that you can't argue about it, is what Viktor Emil Frankl experienced in 1945, and so well described in his writings in "Man's Search for Meaning - Experiences in a Concentration Camp", Pocket Books, ISBN 978-0-671-02337-9 pp. 56–57:

"We stumbled on in the darkness, over big stones and through large puddles, along the one road leading from the camp. The accompanying guards kept shouting at us and driving us with the butts of their rifles. Anyone with very sore feet supported himself on his neighbour's arm. Hardly a word was spoken; the icy wind did not encourage talk. Hiding his mouth behind his upturned collar, the man marching next to me whispered suddenly: "If our wives could see us now! I do hope they are better off in their camps and don't know what is happening to us.

That brought thoughts of my own wife to mind. And as we stumbled on for miles, slipping on icy spots, supporting each other time and again, dragging one another up and onward, nothing was said, but we both knew: each of us was thinking of his wife. Occasionally I looked at the sky, where the stars were fading and the pink light of the morning was beginning to spread behind a dark bank of clouds. But my mind clung to my wife's image, imagining it with an uncanny acuteness. I heard her answering me, saw her smile, her frank and encouraging look. Real or not, her look was then more luminous than the sun which was beginning to rise.

A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth – that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which Man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of Man is through love and in love. I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved.
"

Viktor then understands that "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. (...)  Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way (...)"

This is one powerful thought, and we should let it resonate into our actions, so that our Life can be the truest expression of our potentialities.

So many times we drag ourselves through an infinite role of excuses. We rationalize that if only our job, our society, our wife/spouse, or parents, our body, if only the weather was sunnier, or actually rainier, then we could do/be better.

It requires a strong dosage of humbleness to become aware of our own responsibility towards life. And it requires a great deal of determination and creativity to overcome the challenges that come with that responsibility.

Now you could charge me with that crucial question: and when we get sick, or someone with no connection to us, harms us? I will have to ask you, how do you want to feel about that? You're entitled and you should feel angry! So many times Life is unfair. Why should children suffer so much pain, being neglected, abused, sick, forced to hold weapons. Where is the so called self-responsibility in that??? It's not. The outside factors such as pollution, toxic chemicals and toxic childhoods indeed govern our biological rhythms, BUT the spirit of those children, the spirit of that person that feels their Life threaten, lies in them only. The only thing one can hold onto is their own self-love, their own self-joy. Sometimes there are other souls that reach their hands for us to hold, and that might be the only thing we have in that moment, appreciate it. To be given Love, to feel the care of someone else’s spirit over our Heart, it’s such a wonderful reality. Dive into that thought. Release yourself from old beliefs and become the soul creative force in your own Life. Believe that your true self contains every possibility.

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

George Bernard Shaw

So many psychologist have mention that important step in one's happiness. Maslow called "self-actualisation", C. Rogers named "growth potential", Mahatma Gandhi or Mandela in their lives had to fought against harm, but they didn’t choose hate or violence. They were true towards their own self nature and they knew, at the core, that “you must be the change you want to see in the World.” So if you want to see Love, choose Love.

It’s the difference between being (re)active or (pro)active. The first makes you act without thought, lets you repeat the same mistakes, doesn’t allow real progress, and the second, to proactively live our Life, means that we choose our direction, our growth, independently of exterior conditions. As the word responsibility comes from the idea of being able to respond. Become that person that has the ability to respond thoughtfully to Life, don’t just let it be, passively, quitting on the world, or worst, of yourself.



Monday, November 3, 2014

Guster - Way Back Home (Live on KFOG Radio) from KFOG Radio 104.5/97.7 on Vimeo.

“Trust yourself. At the root, at the core, there is pure sanity, pure openness. Don’t trust what you have been taught, what you think, what you believe, what you hope. Deeper than that, trust the silence of your being.”

Gangaji

... o silêncio...