It can stop you from dancing

You’d be surprised with what’s going on in your mind right now. You feel that you’re in control, everything happens not exactly as you want, but you still feel that you can handle reality, you’re capable of making sense with the nonsense of life, your brain is working, your body responds, things just look normal to everybody else including yourself. But you’d be surprised with what’s going on with your brain. You would be amazed, perplex. I mean the words that follow up your reactions and the previous thoughts before you commit to a decision. When was the last time you noticed you were choosing for life? Did you question the last time you got home where you have been? I don’t intend to persuade you to go insane, but you would if you listened to what your mind is saying to yourself right now. Let it flow, my advice is for you to just let it flow. Nothing you’ll say will change how you feel inside, because you don’t know. Do you feel like crying, smiling, watching TV? Probably you think you need a hug, a walk, a strike of luck, something that doesn’t require your attention, your full being. It’s much easier to live without asking. Your life, and my own, would be much better if we’d just stopped questioning, stopped wondering about our time, our priorities, our desires.

As so many like me I’ve started dreams but did not accomplished to craft them. We all know that dreaming is often more than enough for our satisfaction, and we also know that most of our dreams are just too deviant for the life we have. It’s good to keep that in mind. You’ll definitely feel more peaceful with the rashes that sometimes we dig up when one of our dreams seems to be so close to us, so close to become true. If you had that reaction recently you’ll understand what I’m talking about. I’m thinking about it now, I’m thinking about the dreams I left behind, the imaginary worlds I created for my own pleasure and thinking that it wouldn’t be too insane to try them as I can almost taste them. There’re the ones that make you come, a pleasant physical reaction for something that is not real. There’re some that make you cry or panic. Sometimes dreams can make you experience real sadness, and you ask yourself, why is my mind making myself sad? Why does your mind play like this with your feelings?

I once believed that there was a chance that I could be free, but I didn’t realize what that meant. Today I can see that freedom is our lust and conquer of our biggest fears. It’s a challenge where you fight your own demons. It’s a hard fight. I don’t know if you can really get hurt, but probably somebody will. Like they say, you got to pay a huge price for freedom. If you already have everything you want in your life: love, freedom of action and speech, you’re going to hunger for your own personal freedom. If you think you already have it then you’re going to look for freedom from yourself and so on, until you can no longer long for freedom because it has lost all its meaning, and I guess that happens with death. You’ll search your entire life for some sort of peace, some sort of well being and you’ll say that the aim of that exploration is to set your self free, and so we will look for the freedom, trying to act free in all choices, from the most insignificant to the hardest choice you’ll ever make in your life.

What was your hardest decision so far? Was it hard because you were scared of the risk, because you didn’t want to choose, because you weren’t sure if you were making the right choice and you did regret the choice you made for some time?
When you have to change, whatever it is that you’re changing, what is going to hurt is exposing you to the world and look at yourself in bright daylight. Tears stream along your face when presented with your weakness, your unsustained pride, and your disappointments towards your actions. How many times you wished you could have done things in a different way? I try so much to be present in life that I feel I let it pass thru me and I don’t notice. I have the sensation that I’m always late, that I am too far, too lost to make it right. It hurts when the person you see underneath your skin is not as you imagined to be. Sometimes I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. I look, I touch my face, I try to see what is there behind that identity and I don’t see who I am, I get the impression that I know other people better than I know myself. Who am I? Why do I wish to be different? Would some of my friends or my family say the same appalling things to me, or do they accept me as I am? Do they really love me just for being and not for acting?

Do you love yourself for the way you just are or for your acting excellence?

We’ve loved and keep on loving during all our life, we keep loving people that are no longer with us, we keep in memory, in our heart, in our brain, in our things, this life lived for love. Feelings, emotions, sensations are all that we got from being here, nothing else really matters. But so many times it is all mixed with pain and sorrow. Are your feelings the absolute truth? How far can you trust your desire, your impulse to live your dreams? I guess the answer is as long as you love yourself for what you’re doing.

I don’t love the part of me that is hurting other people by my absence, but I love that I’m daring to change the life I’ve always thought it would never change. I don’t love the part of me that breaks up in despair and loneliness, but I love having strong feelings and react to life in a passionate way. I don’t like feeling lost and confused, but I love finding out more about my nature and everyone’s nature. I love and I don’t love, but overall I love all the time and I love everyone that I loved, and everyone that I’ll love. These feelings that hurt ourselves are the same ones that give us sense to life.

But it hurts, and it can stop you from dancing.

Se há um pouco de prazer em sofrer

Soam a palavras vãs
Estas tentativas de me perceber, de perceber a vida.

Como mantras repetidos
Cansando o cérebro, talvez atingindo a alma

Modos de ver a vida
Diferentes perspectivas para a sentir

Apontando aos nossos pensamentos
Estas palavraa dizem-nos para acreditarmos

Torna-te no teu melhor amigo

Será covardia simplesmente odiar-se
E ficar vazio, atrapalhando a vida
Respirar sozinho, caminhar sozinho

Desistir de ser feliz
Deixar o mundo e as coisas para os outros
Ficar apenas com a natureza

Escolher o sol, o mar, as plantas
E tocar os dias apenas como uma brisa
Que infelicidade saber o que é o amor
E já não ser capaz


“É melhor ser alegre que ser triste,
A alegria é a melhor coisa que existe
É assim como a luz no coração”

Vinício de Moraes

Aprender a viver...

“É talvez o último dia da minha vida.
Saudei o sol, levantando a mão direita,
Mas não o saudei, dizendo-lhe adeus,
Fiz sinal de o gostar de ver ainda, mais nada.”

Fernando Pessoa
26 de Novembro de 1935



Isto de viver, de amar e ser amado, de chorar e ser chorado
De olhar para os outros e vê-los felizes
Olhar para nós próprios e ter vergonha
É o aprender contínuo do que nós somos. Somos feitos do mesmo!
Ninguém sofre sozinho ou é único a sorrir.
Ouçam as histórias que por aí se contam,
O amor, a dor do amor.
A vida e a morte que nos separa.

Isto de sentir pesar, sentir a vida e estar assustado
Olhar para o futuro olhando o passado
E desejar uma vida diferente

Prossegue a contagem do tempo
Um dia, um mês, um ano
Somam-se amigos, perdem-se vidas

O amor comanda a vida,
Mesmo na sua ausência, na sua confusão
Tolda-nos o pensamento e conduz-nos pela solidão

“Estamos sós sem o saber”

Quando negamos a nossa verdade,
O nosso sentir, os nossos pensamentos
E julgamos pelos outros o que de nós pode ser feito
Tornamo-nos sós neste mundo de ecos interiores.
...Continuamos tristes na nossa alegria
Porque não acreditamos no que somos
Não acreditamos que é possível ser-se como se é.

Vergonha, culpa, remorsos
Sempre medindo forças contra a nossa natureza
Sempre impondo palavras que nos magoam
Impedindo de ver a verdade
De ser feliz com a verdade
Refreando aquilo que sabemos de nós e mergulhados em censuras
Em julgamentos castradores

Que é feito de cada um de nós
Da sua felicidade
Da sua feliz solidão e liberdade...

A vergonha, a culpa e os remorsos
Estarão sempre presentes
Para quem não for capaz de se aceitar
E aceitar os outros tal como são

Eu sou isto,
Sou tudo isto, às vezes mais, outras vezes menos
E a vergonha que sinto
Vejo que é castigo, que é imposição para não ser feliz,
Vejo que não acredito que mereço ser feliz.

Ser feliz é estar bem com a nossa alma
E se ela chora porque se tornou triste
Ninguem senão nós próprios tem o poder de a curar.
O remédio e o veneno é o amor,
O amor por nós é a maior imunidade que podemos adquirir.
E o maior dom nesta vida
Se eu for capaz de me amar, serei amor, dentro e fora de mim.

“Conhece-te a ti mesmo”

The Short Story of the One-Eyed Siamese Cat

Late in a warm afternoon, wandering through a beautiful lonesome park, there was a girl with a pale face and feebler eyes, searching for a place to land and rest. There was a slight breeze, felt as a memory of an old summer. You could hear the silence of the trees and bright flowers, you could feel the emptiness of people.

The girl meandered, driven by the need to be where she could feel her existence and be in stillness.
She was carrying a heavy briefcase holding books, strange sketches, and loose words.
Staring at the leaves against the sky she wished for a place she could belong. Somewhere faraway from everything she knew, but that might feel familiar if somehow someone would recognize her soul.

Reaching the far limits of this park she found an abandoned coffeehouse,with forgotten old chairs and brownish-red tables. She sat down and took her rest. What an amazing place this was, concealed by tall trees and shrubs, little spy-birds enjoying the day's linger. This is not an ordinary place, she thought, I can feel voices reaching my senses and caressing my hands as I had wished. I recognize this quiet world. A mild smile outlined her mouth, and as she was closing her eyes a fragile-looking cat jumped onto her table and lay down, close to her hand, exploring her intentions. Sweet lazy cat, you're my company, alone and free as me, I see you, and I see your pain and bravery, one-eyed siamese. You're receptive to life, ready for hurt, ready for love. We don't have anything to give each other except our own presence. I'll stay here and breathe with you.

Agora percebo
porque é tão assustador mudar.

Não é porque algo estivesse errado
é só por desafiar a vida
para sentir a dor que acompanha cada gesto
como um vício,
heroína

É só por isso
Para sentir que há vida em nós
Que há um pouco de loucura
Que há um pouco de sanidade em questionar a sociedade.

E a dor que nos acompanha no adormecer
Que acorda ao nosso lado
Torna-nos humanos

A tristeza seduz-nos com inspiração
A custo da solidão.
Só e finalmente a escrever.

Lost to be found

When you follow a dream, you lose everything else
Dreams exist in the future,
killing the past as you get further and further away from reality.
Dreams will teach you to dream less.
You’ll sleep for years and one day you’ll wake up
and everything around you will be changed and apart from whom you are now. Like old photos and old joys. I remember who I was.
I remember thinking of life as an empty box wrapped up in a fancy colourful paper. No alarms and no surprises: you'll live, love, you'll get sad, you'll laugh, you'll win and lose friends, you'll work, and you'll dream about a better way to live, people around you will die or you'll die first.

Against all common sense
I chose to confront my doubts
Condemning the future
Appreciating my past
Trying to be proud of who I become
One day I'll look back again and I willl love life.

Words are not enough

The more you think, the more confuse you get
And suddenly nothing makes sense in your head.
You ask for others help,
somehow you believe that you just need the right words
And you wander thru your beliefs and dreams
No longer knowing who you are

Its not death, it’s not the birth of a new self
You’re lost in life
Looking for a reason to fight back your sadness
Searching for a comprehensive look on the crowd
Knowing you’ve chosen to do everything wrong

As your throat hurts from your heart disability
So many times you ask: what have I done?
Life is wrong, imperfect, as failures and bad pranks
But you have yourself
And the only thing you know is that you tried to do your best
Even choosing pain, choosing doubt

I chose to be honest with myself and with the people I love
I love you all. All those that know me for sure…

Give me time to grow, for I’m sorry, I make mistakes…

And all the words in the world trick me.

I make mistakes, sorry.

"That person is a success who has lived well,
laughed often and loved much;
who has gained the respect of intelligent people
and the love of children;
who has filled his niche and accomplished his task;
who leaves the world better than he found it,
whether by an improved poppy,
a perfect poem, or a rescued soul;
who never lacked appreciation of earth's beauty
or failed to express it;
who looked for the best in others
and gave the best that he had."

Bessie Anderson Stanley

Why deviant ether...

e·ther

1. 
   Any of a class of organic compounds in which two hydrocarbon groups are linked by an oxygen atom.
2. 
   A volatile, highly flammable liquid, C2H5OC2H5, derived from the distillation of ethyl alcohol with sulfuric acid and used as a reagent and solvent. It was formerly used as an anesthetic. Also called diethyl ether, ethyl ether.
3. 
   The regions of space beyond the earth's atmosphere; the heavens.
4. 
   The element believed in ancient and medieval civilizations to fill all space above the sphere of the moon and to compose the stars and planets.
5. 
   Physics. An all-pervading, infinitely elastic, massless medium formerly postulated as the medium of propagation of electromagnetic waves.