Our Life After

In search for a grandiose, beautiful and strong tree, where I could rest under and meditate, I've found so many infant trees, thin and small, striving to survive. All of them so full of potential to develop into what nature intended them to be and multiply.

Unfortunately I kept looking for that special tree, instead of nurturing the ones that I had found.

We go through life with the same attitude. Searching for perfection, for the best shelter but blind to see the inner beauty of everything we're so lucky to encounter.

We don't think that much about those old experiences until age or wisdom give us a broader perspective and we finally appreciate what Life is really made off, which is the path we walked, the people we encountered, the choices we made. We could have chosen to be generous or greedy; kind or bitter; open or afraid, whatever we we chose defines us.

But we have a spirit, which is free and non bodily. A spirit that has a home to come back to and where it's forgiven and embraced. So we are ultimately free from all the darkness and sadness that consumed our dreams. But we are here now. And now is when we can choose between giving Love or responding with Hate.

Over and over I wrote for us to choose Love, but seeing now from afar, I have chosen self love. Love for my actions, my words, my friends, my, my, my... so self centered, so narcissistic. Maybe that's why noone has really resisted to the ultimate selfies fashion. You see them everywhere, selfie sticks, selfie apps, self grandiosity.

This self that is undermined by an emotionally bipolar Ego. An Ego that runs from accountability and it's fast in blaming circumstances instead of itself, for the sake of an healthy self-esteem.

But man has found religion to calm down it's internal turmoil and impetuous nature, trying to address the problems of life and love, death and sorrow, the universe and our place in it, what it means to have an “I” and what the meaning of existence might be... and it all comes down to one word: GOD.

And even though we don't have the means to prove an existence of beyondness, we are also not capable of living without. We need connectedness, we need to be a part of, we need to be seen, touched, loved. No one is immune to loneliness or a warm hug. No one.

... so instead of searching for the perfect match, the perfect theory, the perfect circumstance, context, situation, let's search for the meaning in our gestures and ask for forgiveness, forgiveness for our ignorance but with the conviction that we are becoming better, and we are helping our close ones to be better. What do you really believe? And are you alone in that? If not, congratulate the ones that listen to you, care for you and in the same way that you make mistakes and learn from them, allow others to make their mistakes without abandoning them, being there to embrace them again. This is Love, this is Humbleness, this is being Wise.



(...)
"At one seminar where I was speaking on the concept of proactivity, a man came up and said, "Stephen, I like what you're saying. But every situation is so different. Look at my marriage. I'm really worried. My wife and I just don't have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just don't love her anymore and she doesn't love me. What can I do?"
"The feeling isn't there anymore?" I asked.
"That's right," he reaffirmed. "And we have three children we're really concerned about. What do you suggest?"
"Love her," I replied.
"I told you, the feeling just isn't there anymore."
"Love her."
"You don't understand. The feeling of love just isn't there."
"Then love her. If the feeling isn't there, that's a good reason to love her."
"But how do you love when you don't love?"
"My friend, love is a verb. Love -- the feeling -- is a fruit of love the verb. So love her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?"

In the great literature of all progressive societies, love is a verb. Reactive people make it a feeling. They're driven by feelings. Hollywood has generally scripted us to believe that we are not responsible, that we are a product of our feelings. But the Hollywood script does not describe the reality. If our feelings control our actions, it is because we have abdicated our responsibility and empowered them to do so. Proactive people make love a verb. Love is something you do: the sacrifices you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into the world. If you want to study love, study those who sacrifice for others, even for people who offend or do not love in return. If you are a parent, look at the love you have for the children you sacrificed for. Love is a value that is actualized through loving actions. Proactive people subordinate feelings to values. Love, the feeling, can be recaptured."
_

In "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Aloneness

Only when we're alone, undressed from all the should's and must's, do we really find ourselves to be. Letting the world speak in its own voice and letting this deeper sense of yourself speak out. To lose our periphery, our ego, and let the vast untamed reality be us. To feel lost but found at the same time.

That's why we find it difficult to turn the radio off, or the television, or not look at our gadget — we're afraid to lose our sense of direction, purpose or meaning, but that's exactly when we find it.

We have so many allies in this world to bring us back the sense of real belongingness, unconditional belonging. Just today an amazing red sun, reflected in some gentle and playful clouds, no wind...

SWEET DARKNESS

When your eyes are tired
the world is tired also.
When your vision has gone
no part of the world can find you.
It’s time to go into the night
where the dark has eyes
to recognize its own.
It’s time to go into the dark
where the night has eyes
to recognize its own.
There you
can be sure
you are not beyond love.
The dark will make a home for you tonight.
The night
will give you a horizon
further than you can see.
You must learn one thing.
The world was made to be free in.
Give up all the other worlds
except the one to which you belong.
Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn
anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you.

_

David Whyte

Can we really change? Transform?
It is said that transformational change occurs when our foundational understanding of ourselves and the world around us significantly shifts. A transformation occurs when we go beyond the bounds of our current understanding and awareness. We cannot think our way through this change; we have to experience our way into it.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation,
we are challenged to change ourselves.” 

_
Viktor E. Frankl

The purpose of our Life?

How will you serve the World? What are you good at that could serve others?

"... the effect on others is the most valuable currency there is (...) that piece we're after is beyond our persona, alter-ego... let the armour go. The need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Risk being seen in all of your glory! (...) Our eyes are not just viewers, they are also projectors, running a second story (...) and we have two choices, Love or Fear... choose Love. (...) all there is is now, right now."

Choose... and go for it. Focus. Believe. Trust.

Integral

In nowadays it's getting more and more often that the word Integral is out there. People are choosing to eat integral, wear, read, listen integral stuff. You'll hear/read the word Integral in this and that almost as often as we can hear the word "baby" in a song.

... ok, it can mean a bunch of things too. In a sentence, Integral shows up when we want to highlight something that is necessary to make a whole complete; essential or fundamental.

So this thought leads me into asking, how can we also become/feel Integral?

Remember when you were a little brat, with no distinction between what was inside or outside of yourself, when there was absolutely no question about being or not accepted by the world, you were, simple as that. No need to cover up feelings... wholeness, integrity.

But as adults, who really feels integral with the world? Why as we grow up do we learn that it might not be safe to express our true identity, feelings and beliefs.

Everyone has some piece of him/herself that it's hidden from the world, and we do our best to keep it that way. We try to play a role that is acceptable. But that gap, between reality and self perception, usually leads to some pain, some regret, some sadness... We want to show up in the world as our true self, and leave this world feeling successful in that.

The desire to show up, to be more in the world with our true value, our truthness, with our true gifts, a not divided Life, that is fulfillment, and we all know how much better we get to be in society, be it in your work, your family or relationship, when we are free in our mind and spirit.

Again, connection is only possible when we show up in the world as we are, and not as we think others expect us to be.

"The heart is the path to wisdom because it dares to be vulnerable in the presence of power"

― 

Terry Tempest Williams

Let's be Integral in our choices. The world is full of good intentions, but if we don't actually do them, what good are they? We're not here just to be storytellers of other's lives.

Each of us has value. I have value, you have value, the person in front of you has value.

Feel your Heart, for it's really the place to understand what's worth fighting for... We can come up with lots of theories about this or that, but our Heart knows best where we should channel our energy.

Lets be Brave and grow our own capacity to express our deepest humanity, especially in places where it seems unwelcome.

Are we fully present in the world with our Integrity? 

It's not about perfection! It's about showing up "naked", with our natural humanity. Nobody is born with an empty self, but we can end up empty...

I wish there were more safe places for people to express their true selves. There's a voice of truth inside each of us, soulfullness. But we fear. We fear we might get fired, we fear we might lose friends or partners if we show ourselves completely. But we are beings before our "doings" or "status".

We want to be seen, respected, loved. Can you truly say, I Love you?

“Like a wild animal, the soul is tough, resilient, resourceful, savvy, and self-sufficient: it knows how to survive in hard places. I learned about these qualities during my bouts with depression. In that deadly darkness, the faculties I had always depended on collapsed. My intellect was useless; my emotions were dead; my will was impotent; my ego was shattered. But from time to time, deep in the thickets of my inner wilderness, I could sense the presence of something that knew how to stay alive even when the rest of me wanted to die. That something was my tough and tenacious soul.”
― 

Parker J. Palmer

Optimal state of Mind

Most of the time one wonders why does the mind persist in staying sad, in quitting, in being confused and going mad! But what if we asked the other way around... how does the mind manage to stay normal, despite the multiple processes and changes it goes through? We're restless... some get to meditate, but I dare to say that not so many of us are able to do it, to peacefully quiet the mind and heart.

Scientist will call these lesser than optimal states of mind as possible non optimal configurations... Indeed, they are non-optimal.

But we have an awesome power that too often is undermined by its lack of structure, ruling and consistency: Imagination.

“One of the painful things about our time is that those who feel certainty are stupid, and those with any imagination and understanding are filled with doubt and indecision.”

_

Bertrand Russel

Imagination allows us to create a different reality, empowers by surpassing what might hurt us and pull us down through imagining that impossible things can be possible, and they can... it's a whole new world that opens up in front of our mind eyes.

We can change... we can overcome and comeback. We can change, but to do that we can't believe in the same things we were taught to believe. We have to listen to our silliest laugh, to our trickiest smile, to our fantasy of being completely seduced by those "silly" ideas that come up into our attention which, in pure cowardness, we prefer to quiet them down.

Care less about what you will look like if you do this or that. Make it for yourself, for your own pleasure. Allow yourself to be delighted and then share! Yes, share with thankfulness for Life's amazing opportunities to experience beauty, to learn and grow.

Unfortunately we are taught too early to play in a certain way, within certain boundaries or we might risk loneliness, frustration and of course, punishment. So we keep on living respecting all the learnt rules without ever questioning. Why should we respect or even love another person besides the obvious ones... You must have your space and I have mine. Is this what you call belief?

What can we learn if we don't dare to break some "rules", if we don't dare to speak our mind, if we don't question and allow our imagination to open new "doors of perception".

I dare you to break the rules and desire. Desire, and feel pleasure.

"The human soul is hungry for beauty… When we experience the Beautiful, there is a sense of homecoming. Some of our most wonderful memories are beautiful places where we felt immediately at home. We feel most alive in the presence of the Beautiful for it meets the needs of our soul."

_

John O’Donohue

We are always haunted by the myth of our potential, of what we might have it in ourselves to be or do… We share our lives with the people we have failed to be. Let's stop living frustrated for not being the amazing version of ourselves and let's return to that kid that ran and laughed simply, unequivocally (we didn't even know what that meant!), who cared because he/she could feel when someone just like him was feeling fear, pain or embarrassment. We were no more or less that the boy or girl sitting by our side. We were and we had fun.

"If somebody treats you with unkindness, it’s likely they have endured similar treatment in the past from others, and are only repeating unconscious patterns in search of a love they cannot find. They will continue to repeat until they wake up from their nightmare of projection, and truly see who you are, who they are, who we all are.
An excuse? No.
A way to begin to find compassion for them, to stop taking their behaviour so personally and so seriously, to begin to break the cycle of violence? Perhaps. And that ‘perhaps’ is everything when it comes to loving each other."
—

 Jeff Foster 

Has Life also become a task?

Where you put your Heart and Attention, that’s what you’re going to Feel.

Hanging between anxiety and depression, how many times does one feel fear of failure, but have no urge in being productive… or care about so many things, but realises that in the end nothing really matters.

Wanting, wishing, praying for meaning 

and having to conform with life’s absurdity…

But where you put our Heart and Attention, that’s what we’re going to Feel.

“(…)

No point in looking back

Over your shoulder

Leave your worries behind

For a while

You'll forget everything”

_

Junip - Your Life, Your Call

Has Life also become a task?

What are we doing, why are we in such a rush to go nowhere?

“What will be the good of the conquest of leisure and health, if no one remembers how to use them?” Bertrand Russell asked in his 1926

Living under a unrelenting cult of workaholism and productivity, where do our souls go?

The more inventions and speeding mechanism we create, the faster we’re driving and rushing. We feel like we have less time. Where’s the contemplative, excellent digestion “future man”, described by George Eliot in 1880, the stout gentleman “…of quiet perceptions, undiseased by hypothesis; happy in his inability to know the causes of things, preferring the things themselves. “

We were supposed to be creating a world where everybody had a reasonable chance of happiness.

… hey, focus on your Heart. It looks for kindness, value and sweet simple pleasures, even when everything else says it’s foolish or childish. Focus your attention on you Heart, and make those tiny little dreams come true. Simplicity it’s not easy, but takes you back to that nice place where you are nowhere else but present and alive.

Happiness is also a practice, it needs both learning and constant maintenance. In some studies they’ve seen that Happiness diminishes as we transition from childhood to adulthood and then starts rising as we grow wrinkles and acquire gray hair. Why is it?… Maybe because we stop taking our attitudes so seriously and stop worrying about who we should be and we simply are?

Because in the end “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives” (..) There is no shortage of good days. It is good lives that are hard to come by. A life of good days lived in the senses is not enough. The life of sensation is the life of greed; it requires more and more. The life of the spirit requires less and less; time is ample and its passage sweet. Who would call a day spent reading a good day? But a life spent reading — that is a good life.”

_

Annie Dillard

on Meaning

... what do you mean, what do you really mean?

I want to know, I need to know.

"What do you mean"... when you act in a certain way, when you say the things you say.

- My dear, you mean nothing to me.

Boom, punch in your stomach! Neck squeezed and head detachment possibly...

...

...

Why?!

Because to mean something, for someone, for a reason, for ourselves is our number one thing. We want/need to mean something, to have a definition, to make sense and of course, to be important in someone's life. 

But too often we forget that meaning starts with ourselves, with our own release and breakthrough.

We all have one meaningful song, thought, book, picture, spoken word and moment. More than one hopefully. And when we recapitulate who we believe we are, those are the moments that occur to our brain as defining of who we are. So when we're just killing time and waiting for life to happen, we are creating a void, an unmeaningful void... 

It's not about having an awesome inspiration on what your Life's purpose might be, but instead, really bluntly and honestly defining what's important to do with your time here. What can you do with your time that's important? or just for the sheer joy of it.

If you could speak with your old 8-year old self and he/she asked you, why did you stop writing, drawing or playing, and you answered, because I'm not good enough, or I have to pay my bills, or because no one else cares about it, how do you think your old self would feel? Would he/she cry? ... If so, don't give up on your dreams and fantasies. Take some time for yourself, play again...

We need to feel we have meaning. To feel that somehow we make a difference, we add up something to this world, something good, and that we will be remembered as someone dear to some...

Find meaning and let yourself be vulnerable. Being vulnerable is actually a very sexy thing, it "is usually downright uncomfortable. But that’s OK. Because being vulnerable in your interactions creates a greater deal of trust and intimacy, removes games and ambiguity, creates sexual tension through bold behaviors, accelerates sexual and romantic relationships, builds self-esteem and (usually) demonstrates confidence to the other person."

_

Mark Manson

Let's be authentic, accountable and unconditionally vulnerables.

Know, accept and appreciate yourself. Have one sweet loving & sexy relationship with yourself, and make that inner 8-year old happy again. Find all the meanings you need to smile, love and live, for "The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, "If you will take care of me, I will take care of you. "Now I say, I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.”

_

Jim Rohn

And now, let yourself go with this amazing performance: Ólafur Arnalds - improvisations

... wow, on repeat...

On Hope… and the power of words.

Hope is a feeling, the somewhat painful expectation and desire for something to happen. We hope to come back; we hope to start or finish, we hope to surpass, to conquer and win, we hope to get it or leave it behind us. We Hope but we will lie to ourselves if we need to believe in it. So how good is to have Hope? It doesn’t push us forward to fight and look for a solution, it keeps you waiting, it seduces you into inaction, it retrieves power from you, who like any old leaf stands waiting to fall and be taken away by the wind.

Remember Pandora’s Box? Pandora opened the jar and all the evils flew out, leaving only Hope inside once it was closed again… what does that mean? Why was Hope trapped with all other evils…?

Pandora was created by the Gods to please Zeus, who wanted a Godlike woman. Hephaestus, the smith god from beneath the Earth, made her from Earth mixed with water; Athena, goddess of wisdom, taught her crafts and weaving; Aphrodite, goddess of love, gave her irresistible charm; Hermes, god of imagination, gave her a deceitful nature, persuasion… curiosity… because of her curious nature she didn’t resist to see what was inside the box…

Sometimes we can be having such a nice sweet dream that we actually might wish to wake up to see if its real. We expect it to be real. Hope is expectation, an illusion.

Is being hopeful a good thing? The higher you dream, greater the fall…

When we look into our inner mirrors and think there’s not much to hope for, either Love, growth, or safety, then we have lost our “lust for life”, and that is dangerous. Not only because it makes us disconnect from our feelings, but also because, right at the core, it’s a lie. We always Hope to be rescued, like food for the soul we imagine and fantasise a sweeter, happier Life

We always Hope, otherwise we’re just surviving… 

Are we just surviving? … 

If it weren’t for the dreams one sighs for and love, then yes, we would be just surviving, as it’s usually said after a couple of wine glasses, a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.

We have to Hope, if not we would have to quit our struggles, and it’s those struggles to the top in themselves that can fill our Heart with the Love and energy to do better, greater and share. “Without the dark, we'd never see the stars.” 

Dare to Dream...

"(...) We have not overcome our condition, and yet we know it better. We know that we live in contradiction, but we also know that we must refuse this contradiction and do what is needed to reduce it. Our task as [humans] is to find the few principles that will calm the infinite anguish of free souls."
_
Albert Camus

Fiending... to incredibly crave for something.

We aspire and dream, we invoke and pray, we love and we're sure, ah... Heaven has to be made of sweetness...! Heaven is sweetness and a huge smile on your face.

But, nothing last forever right?

Says a million songs, says Life.

And we get scared, angry, frustrated, impatient! Dam, not again! Not again...

It's justifiable, everyone around you confirms. You're entitled to feel upset. You probably should respond with more emotions, creating some havoc. But..

"... anger’s long cultural history of being seen as morally justifiable and as a useful signal that wrongdoing has taken place, it is a normatively faulty response that masks deeper, more difficult emotions and stands in the way of resolving them. (...) Our emotional life maps our incompleteness”
_

Martha Nussbaum

So drop any resentment, free yourself from guilt, remember only the sweetness of Forgiveness, Understanding and Empathy. We all make mistakes, we all get confused. So remember that smile, the smile you've shared or lost in pure concern for that Love, that piece of Heaven, and Metabolize your feelings... And cry! Oh yeah, go for it, clean it all up! Tell your Heart it's ok and even good to cry, cry, but never, never break. Always go back to that sweetness of the Heart/Soul.
... Because “We’ve got to be as clear-headed about human beings as possible, we are still each other’s only hope” 

_

James Baldwin

Sustain that Hope, that Dream. Believe and Trust.
Getting hurt and acknowledging a learnt lesson is what growing is all about.

Maturity is the sense of enoughness in you.

"Growth is different from something that happens to you. You produce it. You live it. The prerequisites for growth: the openness to experience events and the willingness to be changed by them. Forget about good. Good is a known quantity. Good is what we all agree on. Growth is not necessarily good. Growth is an exploration of unlit recesses that may or may not yield to our research. As long as you stick to good you’ll never have real growth."
_
Bruce Mau

Take it easy, take it slow and get on with the show... indulge, feel, connect with the art, poetry, songs of Life. Metabolize what does not serve you.

And this I must also share:

Kurt Vonnegut, father of seven children, who argues that the modern family is simply too small, leaving too much room for loneliness and boredom, and advises: “I recommend that everybody here join all sorts of organizations, no matter how ridiculous, simply to get more people in his or her life. It does not matter much if all the other members are morons. Quantities of relatives of any sort are what we need.”

(...)
"I am so smart I know what is wrong with the world. Everybody asks during and after our wars, and the continuing terrorist attacks all over the globe, “What’s gone wrong?” What has gone wrong is that too many people, including high school kids and heads of state, are obeying the Code of Hammurabi, a King of Babylonia who lived nearly four thousand years ago. And you can find his code echoed in the Old Testament, too. Are you ready for this?

“An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.”

A categorical imperative for all who live in obedience to the Code of Hammurabi, which includes heroes of every cowboy show and gangster show you ever saw, is this: Every injury, real or imagined, shall be avenged. Somebody’s going to be really sorry.

(...) When Jesus Christ was nailed to a cross, he said, “Forgive them, Father, they know not what they do.” What kind of a man was that? Any real man, obeying the Code of Hammurabi, would have said, “Kill them, Dad, and all their friends and relatives, and make their deaths slow and painful.”

His greatest legacy to us, in my humble opinion, consists of only twelve words. They are the antidote to the poison of the Code of Hammurabi, a formula almost as compact as Albert Einstein’s “E = mc2.

(...) I am a Humanist, or Freethinker, as were my parents and grandparents and great grandparents — and so not a Christian. By being a Humanist, I am honoring my mother and father, which the Bible tells us is a good thing to do.

But I say with all my American ancestors, “If what Jesus said was good, and so much of it was absolutely beautiful, what does it matter if he was God or not?”

(...) Revenge provokes revenge which provokes revenge which provokes revenge — forming an unbroken chain of death and destruction linking nations of today to barbarous tribes of thousands and thousands of years ago.

(...) We may never dissuade leaders of our nation or any other nation from responding vengefully, violently, to every insult or injury. In this, the Age of Television, they will continue to find irresistible the temptation to become entertainers, to compete with movies by blowing up bridges and police stations and factories and so on…

But in our personal lives, our inner lives, at least, we can learn to live without the sick excitement, without the kick of having scores to settle with this particular person, or that bunch of people, or that particular institution or race or nation. And we can then reasonably ask forgiveness for our trespasses, since we forgive those who trespass against us. And we can teach our children and then our grandchildren to do the same — so that they, too, can never be a threat to anyone.

(...) You should know that when a husband and wife fight, it may seem to be about money or sex or power. But what they’re really yelling at each other about is loneliness. What they’re really saying is, “You’re not enough people.”

If you determine that what they’ve been yelling at each other is that, tell them to become more people for each other.

(...) and don’t give up on books. They feel so good — their friendly heft. The sweet reluctance of their pages when you turn them with your sensitive fingertips. A large part of our brains is devoted to deciding whether what our hands are touching is good or bad for us. Any brain worth a nickel knows books are good for us. 

(...) A computer teaches a child what a computer can become. An educated human being teaches a child what a child can become. Bad men just want your bodies. TVs and computers want your money, which is even more disgusting. It’s so much more dehumanizing!

The soul is like a wild animal

Are there bad things and good things? Aren't they maybe complementary of each other?
We do forget of the other when facing it's opposite peak, immense pain or joy.

Can different truths coexist? Well, it depends...
How far are you willing to go to make it true?

Unfortunately it's only when we lose something we had as part of our Life that we rethink about Life itself. Most of it is an illusion created to suit our needs.

We were taught to think one way, to cry or laugh accordingly, to pursue certain dreams, dreams that would represent success. But would you feel you were pursuing anything if you just had yourself and nothing else?

It's because there are so many opinions and rules, so many must, should, ought to, that we believe without hardly any doubt that something is right or wrong, good or bad. You'll save money and food for the future, you'll go to school and find a job for the future, you'll fall in love for the future. For that sweet envisioned future.

If things ever go wrong, blame it on your imagination. It was greedy...

But it's that willingness to go further and finding for yourself if the world has an end or not, that builds your strength.

"To those human beings who are of any concern to me I wish suffering, desolation, sickness, ill-treatment, indignities — I wish that they should not remain unfamiliar with profound self-contempt, the torture of self-mistrust, the wretchedness of the vanquished: I have no pity for them, because I wish them the only thing that can prove today whether one is worth anything or not — that one endures."
_
Nietzsche

To endure and not giving up in finding Life for what it is and not through the desire of having to prove yourself better or worse. We are what we think. Sometimes we are tired. We can be tired for years! but, we'll wake up one day.

"The test of one’s decency is how much of a fight one can put up after one has stopped caring.”
_
Nietzsche

Opposites are complementary. Hardship and joy are in relationship with each other. You can feel an amazing jubilating joy, because you have felt intense sadness.

You can also choose to have as little displeasure as possible, but you'll be also denying yourself of Life's joy provoking events and growth.

There's wrong and right, but it's your choice which one is truer.

That's why we make such an effort to find our truth, our purpose. And no book or education will provide it for us. What others have thought can only serve us as a mask.

Actively surrender... Shake off those shoulds.

"Before you tell your life what you intend to do with it, listen for what it intends to do with you. Before you tell your life what truths and values you have decided to live up to, let your life tell you what truths you embody, what values you represent"

_

Parker Palmer

How?

"The soul is like a wild animal — tough, resilient, savvy, self-sufficient, and yet exceedingly shy. If we want to see a wild animal, the last thing we should do is to go crashing through the woods, shouting for the creature to come out. But if we are willing to walk quietly into the woods and sit silently for an hour or two at the base of a tree, the creature we are waiting for may well emerge, and out of the corner of an eye we will catch a glimpse of the precious wildness we seek."

_

Parker Palmer

It's our imagination that is responsible for Love - Proust

This TED Talk is for anyone who has ever loved.
It speaks about how monogamy used to be one person for life, but today, monogamy actually is one person at a time.

We have this romantic ideal:

- one day we'll find that one person that will fulfill the endless list of our needs: to be our greatest lover, our best friend, the best parent, our trusted confidant, our emotional companion and intellectually equal. And of course, we will be their chosen one! Unique, Indispensable, Irreplaceable, The Special One...  but then suddenly, infidelity, whatever the kind (thought, neglect, forgetfulness, indifference, physical) tells us that we are not that special after all. It is usually the ultimate betrayal, "infidelity shatters the grand ambition of love".

No doubt that affairs are an act of betrayal, but they are also an expression of longing and loss.

Affairs are way less about sex and a lot more about desire: desire for attention, desire to feel special, desire to feel important.

In relationships, in Life, we forget how essential it is to do things that bring us back that sense of self-worth we had as children, we forget how we need to surround ourselves in love, with friends and activities that give us back Joy, Meaning and the sense of Identity. We need Purpose, we need to Believe in something greater, fair, true. We need to feel we have our hidden secret spot, where we can close our eyes and finally breathe out our fears... so nice when that special place is your lover's arms.