Sunday, October 15, 2017

Shortness of breath...

We listen over and over the powerful advice of living in the present, between inhales and exhales, focusing our minds in one specific task, be it breathing or really just grabbing hard any loose thought that tries to travel far. Supposedly this control will bring us freedom, freedom from rush, from stress, from ups and downs and consequent sadness.

Then we get out again, and we try to stay with that calmness inside. To continue not to be in any rush, with a constant forgiveness and understanding attitude… till you’re fired because they want someone more energetic, and still you force yourself into numbness/coolness, you don’t have any food or can’t pay the rent because you don’t have enough money, but if you stay in the flow of nothingness things will fall into their right place, whatever that is, and eventually you just end up having only the present reality, the breathe in or not breathe any more.

Passiveness leads into “whatever” and in whatever mode, we act disconnected, we act on repeat. Whatever is when we’re tired and afraid, and we’ve actually given up.

“Then I’ll imagine”, she said, that’s the only way I can feel myself happier. I’ll use imagination. “Ah, you’re wrong”, imagination can also lead you into reclusion and loneliness. What you need is reality. Pure uncovered reality. That’s where you need to be in and feel, reality. “No…” said another voice, reality is made by others and the reality they share comes from their own imagination. Reality is really just our own interpretation of the world. Even the most scientific views of the world, are projections of self ideas, individual bets of hypothesis…. “Well, then I give up!” Or better yet, I choose not to think any more. But isn’t that dying?… Isn’t it wanting, real curiosity that keeps us alive?

Pain keeps us alive.

We need pain to change, to question, to feel lost and only after, in survivor’s mode, we grab on to what can really bring us to surface. Our last instinct is too survive, but our first reaction to sadness is the opposite. We can live our entire life holding on to a well disguised pain, just not to let us fall… so, let go, fall face down, risk it. Scream if you have to, but give yourself the chance to be forgiven and to start again. Fall to get up! We learn to ride any bike, skate, hey, just walking, by falling down over and over. And when we were told that its was too dangerous, or shouldn’t have been done, we questioned it. With age and routine, we get more scared of reinventing and challenging our beliefs. But so many times we carry more pain for not having shared that scary thought, that scary choice, for not having taken the risk.

The unhappy person is one who has his ideal, the content of his life, the fullness of his consciousness, the essence of his being, in some manner outside of himself. The unhappy man is always absent from himself, never present to himself.

To know ourselves, and feel what is, feel what we are, we can’t be the version for the easy listener, or the grumpy old man. We have to cry and we have to forgive, for after despair, the one thing left is possibility.

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Crashing Cars

Fui eu que escolhi, vesti o fato, tirei a prancha e caminhei até ao mar, mas os meus sentidos deviam de estar desligados. Não dei importância ao vento, não dei importância à quantidade de espuma branca no mar. Só no primeiro mergulho, quando a prancha resistiu e deu resposta a estar submersa é que acordei da alegria de ir surfar ao final de mais um dia. Mas tudo bem, a natureza mexe conosco e ás vezes até fere, mas a dor é ganho, é recompensada pela energia que ganhamos por estar com o vento. entre o mar e as nuvens. 

Escolhi ignorar, e é sempre uma má escolha, seja no ignorar das nossas vontades, sonhos ou a vez de outra pessoa. Ignorar é virar as costas ao que existe mesmo. Por isso posso chamar-me de ignorante, muito, porque viro sempre as costas ao que me dói, ao que traz tristeza, achando que não se deve dar atenção ao que nos magoa. É entrarmos em negação, e é nesse estado que a maioria de nós vive. Em negação com os seus sentimentos, desejos, mas mais importante, na semelhança com o outro que age de forma absurdamente diferente, mas foi gerado da mesma forma. Tivéssemos todos coragem de olharmos o outro e compreendê-lo, perceber que somos todos ignorantes no erro ou no certo dos nossos gestos. Com humildade repito as palavras de Sócrates, sem o final de superioridade, apenas a afirmação da ignorância, do saber que nada sei, que sei muito pouco de muito para saber.

E a Arte mente, mas às vezes só assim encaramos a Verdade.

Que pode um fazer quando a tristeza de não sentir um propósito pesa mais que qualquer distração? Vivemos todos num estado de constante arrependimento, caso contrário viveríamos como santos, em beatitude de anjo. Mas podemos abrir os olhos e perceber que somos herdeiros das nossas falhas, não das nossas escolhas. Que sabemos nós do destino para onde somos conduzidos. Vamos num carro sem destino, por vezes em excesso de velocidade, a passar vermelhos, a sofrer acidentes. As falhas são o ter pressa, o ser impaciente, o ser egoísta, o ser preguiçoso e escolher ignorar, o não tomar tempo para estar consigo próprio e conhecer-se.

The true and durable path into and through experience  involves being true … to your own solitude, true to your own secret knowledge.

Seamus Heane


Monday, September 25, 2017

Dream awake... it's ok.

If we knew how powerful dreaming can be, we wouldn't call lost those who are seen as lunatics and at drift. Some of them reach the highlights and are well fed in compliments, but most, sadly, are pointed to be crazy and consequently, diminished in their abnormal human being condition.

"A lot of people think or believe or know they feel — but that’s thinking or believing or knowing; not feeling.
E.E. Cummings

We all have two hemispheres in our brain, the master of all ideas and decisions, and in a society that dictates methods and structure, there cannot be much space for one very important part of us, us as individuals and as humans, the part that feels, questions, dreams.

We are constantly looking for meaning, for a translation of what we are feeling and how can it be applied in our daily life, and also, let's be honest, in our life projects... We desperately need meaning, as it feels as the only way to be lucid, to connect with the world. Things need to be placed in their order. Basically, what we choose to understand is what is. And in our quest to feed that stability, normality, balance, we search and grab on to metaphors, since most of the time only through metaphors can we foresee what is happening in us and around us.

We were a child that was born, another dreamer of a world unseen and the first thing we do is to imitate the ones around us, and all through our lives that's what the majority of us keeps doing, whatever the culture or religion we were born into.

To be nobody-but-yourself — in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight.
E.E. Cummings

And here is where the lost, the lunatics, the susceptible of their feelings, art lovers, come in, to provoke our modeled lives, to insight us into our inner deep selves, to make us look for  
"... the distinction between the substance of the thing and the procedural overlay."
Iain McGilchrist)

Important thinkers spent their whole life trying to unify these two areas of us, a left and a right hemisphere. Both need each other, both are important, but when it comes to understand the world and make some meaning out of our experience, it's our emotional and creative side that we need to develop and listen to. Through music, dance, singing, letting our clothes fall on the ground and really letting our well behaved self fade into the sensual feeling of losing it!

No one can build you the bridge on which you, and only you, must cross the river of life, the true and durable path into and through experience, involves being true … to your own solitude, true to your own secret knowledge.

Saturday, September 9, 2017

Go and find a special song that you alone can sing.

We think we know ourselves, we blame ourselves for everything and we live in this constant fight of choosing right or wrong, oh man, it’s so much harder, deeper and unconscious than that…

We live in a rush of getting things done, of making sure our message was clear, of making sure we’re not missing any important step, follow up, whatever, we need to be included in what’s going on, otherwise! What??? Otherwise you’re a lunatic, you’ve got something wrong with you, you’re not included in that whatever.

Yeah, we forget we have this very present animal part in us that usually ends up making our choices for ourselves… Then we’re very good at finding reasons and excuses for why and why not, we did or we didn’t do something.

We know very little, and usually it’s in those crucial times that we find it out.

Only with age and life experience do we start being a bit more cautious before showing what’s on our mind, and even then, it’s not for all. Disclosing to our friends or whoever, what you’re really are thinking and feeling, requires a bit of “dementia”, a bit of very sensitive bravery.

So how do you get to fully trust in your thoughts and consequently, your decisions?

Some have religion for that, which sets up rules of good behaviour, but good behaviour doesn’t exclude inner hurt, pain, and insecurity. 

All of us find something that will take our attention out of our questions, that’s why, being left alone it’s usually a painful thing. Being left alone means being left with our doubts, regrets, with our unspoken words. And you start, because it’s our nature, to question the purpose of being here. We need a purpose, we need a reason to get off bed, to get out of the door. That’s why we partner up. We need an excuse for waiting, for postponing, for not having to think about ourselves, we’ve got someone else to worry about, and it’s so much easier to direct our attention onto someone else… Then you have kids and it’s a whole new unselfish view of life. You don’t choose for yourself, you choose for them. They’re the reason for anything, even for your deranged actions, it was for them! You did it for them. Yeah, we project our worries onto others very easily.

When you’re in front of your reflection, what do you see? We see whatever our mind is feeling. If it happened that there was a nice tune or conversation before we saw ourselves, all cool, we are good people, but if you see yourself before a disappointment, something that didn't go as expected, ui, you don’t look as great do you?

That’s why trusting too much on your mind is letting you, whoever you are, being led by a very partial, sensitive, and pre-conditioned judge. Pre-conditioned in so many ways: parenthood, school, life opportunities, religion, race and color.

No one can build you the bridge on which you, and only you, must cross the river of life

How can we find some tranquility in being, knowing so little about ourselves and reasons for purely existing, or sadly, stop existing? … This is going to sound bad, but the solution might be, not really caring so much for what others think. You’ve been given an existence, and that’s all we have. We exist. And existing means: taking care of yourself. How can we do that? With respect. Respect about the nature of things and people. Because we do know very little, that first respect and compassion about ourselves is really important to forgive, care and grow up, and later it has to be used on others too. People around us choose and make, say things that cary so much of their existence, without being aware of. We give so much space for misunderstandings, unveiled mistakes, it happens all the time. We exist by miracle and for that we so should be humble. Why are we here? Why are some called to leave? Why so many suffer so much? Why does life on this earth seem to be so unfair, so cold, while being for so many others, amazingly warm and blessed?

We know very little, and some have spent their whole life trying to write some sort of manual of conscious conducts, but we still know very little. We do know that through understanding, forgiveness and space (be it physical or through time) we give an opportunity to a more peaceful and loving life, and that’s all we aspire to. Whether you’re a super rich person, or someone closed in, what we most wish for is to love and be loved and feel inner peace.

The process by which man is able to posit his own subjective nature outside of himself … is at [the] bottom of all effort and the germinating principles of all reform and all progress.”
Frederick Douglass

To know what one ought to do is certainly the hardest thing in life. ‘Doing’ is comparatively easy.
Maria Mitchell (astronomer)

Thursday, August 24, 2017

(In) existence

We exist, and about it we know nothing.
We assume that if we can see each other then we must exist... hum...
Did we choose it?
Did we know anything to choose so. Did we have any previous introduction before hand? 101 Existing for Beginners...?

Growing up, through school and so much through work, we are seen crazy if we question it. You don't it question out loud! Maybe within a trustworthy caring group of people. Even in our so called irrational moments, we don't question what it means... because we fear the answer maybe. Well, the majority of people say that if you cease breathing you cease to exist, but even those have litle secret doubts inside them.

So we stay silent about it, for the sake of some psychological balance, but only to find out later in Life, that this thing called existence means so much. As we grow older we look back and question if we existed or not. Our memories are exactly that, the reply to that question.


Fui eu que escolhi, vesti o fato, tirei a prancha e caminhei até ao mar, mas os meus sentidos deviam de estar desligados. Não dei importância ao vento, à quantidade de espuma branca no mar. Só no primeiro mergulho, quando a prancha resistiu e deu resposta a estar submersa é que acordei da alegria de ir surfar ao final do dia. Mas tudo bem, a Natureza mexe conosco e às vezes até fere, mas a dor é apagada pela recompensa da energia que ganhamos por estar entre o vento, o mar, as nuvens, o sol, a areia... Escolhi ignorar, o que é sempre uma má escolha, seja no ignorar das nossas vontades, sonhos, ou a vez de outra pessoa. Ignoramos e viramos as costas ao que existe mesmo. Sou ignorante, muito, porque viro sempre as costas ao que me dói, ao que me traz tristeza, achando que não se deve dar atenção se algo nos magoa. Ensinaram-nos isso. Mas ficamos ignorantes sobre os nossos sentimentos, vontades, mas tão importante também, ignorantes na nossa semelhança com o outro que age de forma absurdamente diferente e todavia pensa o mesmo.

Quem me dera que tivéssemos coragem de nos olharmos, despirmos e com humildade ensaiarmos as palavras de um pensador, que disse "... eu só sei que nada sei. Sei que não sei tudo e o que sei, sei-o de modo imperfeito."

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

To Frame or not to frame... whatever.

Isn’t it obvious how irrational it is that if you stare for 15 min into a small detail in a lake you’re labeled weird, but if you stare to that same little spot behind a screen it’s ok, you’re taking a picture! … so we are normal if we are seen to fit society's trends, but if you actually got your own self tune, rhythm, non-ideas, ah, you’re off, you’re a bit strange… you’re “different”. 

And in a time where being different, specially through the color of your skin, through your clothing habits, immediately frames you into a social type group, hey, be honest, only if you’re labeled crazy can you actually not fit any frame.

“… But I see your true colors.
If his world makes us crazy, and you've taken all you can bear”, learn…

This world can makes us crazy if we keep following others interpretations and never really follow our own. We need to be affected by life, that’s how we grow and change into better versions of ourselves. If we just rely on what was said to us, on what someone did, on what we one day(!) will do… than we’re lying to ourselves and that’s what’s crazy.

Paradoxically, the ability to be alone is the condition for the ability to love.” 
Erich Fromm

We all got our own days and nights, everyone. No one is completely sunny and never dark as a new moon night, so real freedom is not about how far you can stretch the rules, but really how much do you accept freedom in others.

If you get angry, frustrated by something, then find in yourself why.

Anything which is troubling you, anything which is irritating you, making you shift… that’s your teacher. 

Turn down that wall and speak openly about your dreams.

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Behind the "wheel"

She stares at him, fearful but with a determine unshivering face, and replies, I want to do it and I will. The long dark hair hidden by an old sweet flowery veil, and her subtle no teeth smile when he just walks away in disdain... She did it, she fought for her belief, for her a freedom, for her right to speak and dream beyond what any man can say.

Everyday someone has to really stand up for something bigger than themselves. The usual Us, just keeps walking, turns the face the other way, chooses to forget. But everytime we choose ignorance over action, we are choosing to take a step backwards, further away from Freedom & Love.

Closing our eyes does not make things go away. It can even make it worst, because our thoughts have more power within us than anything exterior. So if you're scared or frustrated, closing your eyes will only amplify those same feelings inside you. Let's open our eyes, let's speak and listen, touch and feel where we are and who with.

She has suffered and will suffer more critics and disbelief from others that lie and tell her it's for her own good that certain things are forbidden for women to do, but from the moment she opened her eyes and understood there were no more options besides standing tall and present, she has won something that no jury on this earth can ever give: Faith, faith in herself and in her life.

We breathe and share this planet. Why and for how long we can only point out guesses, some stronger than others, so all we have is right now. The past has its own shape and taste already, so it can only be recalled. If you are recalling it now, find in your heart a view of grace or forgiveness, but don't grab on to it or you'll never experience versions of yourself you'd never thought you'd see. The woman or man that breathes strength, courage and honesty.

Question things, learn about them, be curious to understand why and why not. Be creative, and please, the world really needs it, be gentle and be positive.

Become a better, happier, singing and smiling "driver" or "rider"!

Get inspired....

Behind the Wheel: Egypt's Women Drivers

The stories of four Egyptian women and the different vehicles they drive
- from a rickshaw to a 36-tonne truck.


Tuesday, June 20, 2017

(.... e desta vez em Português)

Onde estou e para onde vou? OK, já tanta gente se perguntou isso, sou mais uma a fazê-lo. E que resposta tenho para dar? Sendo óbvia e vazia respondo que não sei. Talvez faça mais sentido dizer, Aceito que não sei, ou seja, alguém o sabe e eu sou ignorante. Bolas, como deixar de o ser??

Os únicos momentos em que sinto saber qualquer coisa são quando sorrio de sentimento, quando as coisas não têm nome, não têm causas, são e nesse existir são bonitas e tranquilas.

Mas então quem sou eu? Para onde vou... de onde venho?

Venho do egoísmo e de muita curiosidade. Com o tempo e muita matéria lixada, tenho vindo a descobrir a simplicidade do interior, meu e dos outros. Depois de muito corte, quando o que é de dentro se torna exterior, consegue-se ver o quão lisos ou não ásperos somos. Como troncos de madeira passamos a ser úteis, passamos a servir de suporte, juntos podemos servir de abrigo. Também podemos fazer tropeçar, mas isso é quando caímos e estamos já sem sentido para existir.

Então vamos para onde nos levar o nosso sentido de ser, sem medo de partir, quebrar.
... nada se cria, tudo se transforma...

Monday, June 5, 2017

Know Thyself

Courage… so many ways we could show it, if we got it, but most of them require something that society makes one hell of an effort to keep it on through the concepts of consciousness; rationality; fitting in…

How many sighs, big long breaths, do you let go per day, wishing somehow you could be what feels right to you. Oh no! Imagine the amount of craziness that would happen if people did that!!! That’s dangerous! … Stop right there!

… Just dream it, dream that you don’t stop there, that you really follow your drive, that you go 100% in your next breath, word, thought and action.

Fear can take over so much, I don't think most of us are aware of the cage we keep ourselves in.

Here’s what has been seen over time: it’s the ones most capable of being uncomfortable that find their voice and whole hearted projects aka success! It’s the ones who truly follow their curiosity that give something back to this world.

We’re so afraid of falling, of not being accepted, of being labeled outsiders/crazy that we choose a life long average normality over growth and liberation. We bully ourselves! …

… where’s the Love? Where’s the understanding that no one is perfect, that we are here to learn, to change, to rebel our own beliefs and really feel this alive thing, the “I exist” awareness.

We make mistakes, everyone does them, and even when you might think you didn't do anything wrong, someone will point out that you’ve got a bad nature, a bad character, that you are futile, selfish, childish, stubborn, a liar, dumb. We are all a big “family” but when it comes to understanding and openly helping each other find their growth and voice, as a “family” first comes education… First we need education. OK… Could Love be a school teaching subject? 

Yes, I’ve had the courage to make mistakes.

I choose wrongly, I didn’t make it right. Yes, I’ve made some really wrong choices in Life, but that also means I’ve had the courage to follow my impulses, my self-growth, I’ve had the courage to explore, to scream, cry and all that leads us to really testing and trying what we are made of.

“Know thyself (…) The unexamined life is not worth living.” … so, “(…) “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”


Thursday, May 18, 2017

Saying Goodbye and Thank you

There are times in our Life where everything just seems to be engineered by some evil mind, with a master plan to drive us mad and consequently making us giving up. Ok, sometimes it's just a particular day, but other times it can last for a couple of years. But as everything in Life, we can think of what's happening to us as this dirty, smelly and dark tunnel that we had the misfortune to walk into, or we can see it as an uneasy and uncared path to a nice beach. We do have always a choice, even in our darkest hours... BUT, more than that, more than having a choice in how to deal with a situation, there will be an outcome of that decision, so the choice of facing something positively, despite the pain we are feeling can actually bring us major gains to our soul and mind, it can bring deep change in ourselves that in another way would not happen if we were forever kept in our comfort zone.

Real growth happens in discomfort, ask any athlete, but beyond that obvious view point, ask someone who has been through deep pain, frustration, sadness and did not quit, did not give up upon all the other past battles it went through and made it. We are tough creatures, with a heart that all it really desires is to feel the beautiful love and smile of our close ones, to have a purpose in Life and to laugh!

So, despite the dark and cold clouds that make us shiver and feel less alive, make yourself a nice warm beverage, invite your friends over, put some music on, read a great book, fall in love with any passing bug, smile and share that smile, and accept that painful discomfort as a wake up call to focus on what really matters to you.


Knowing your own darkness
is the best method for dealing
with the darknesses of other people.

— Carl Jung
BBC - Dying taught me how to Live

Thursday, May 4, 2017

That je ne sais quois…

Maybe to protect ourselves from fear we grab on to the idea of invisibility as absence.

If we can’t see it it’s not there, but if this world had only one colour, one colour only to be seen, we would try harder to guess what could be suspicious of being there that was not clear to us.

We believe that everything is openly shaped and unmistakably well coloured and drawn. Trees are green, the sky is blue, the sun is golden, sadness is grey and love a very bright incandescent red.

Its the belief, to believe, no matter in what, that it’s important in staying alive. We need to belief, not for any grand purpose, but for that simple yet crucial one thing, keeping it together.

But if we took a more “scientific” approach to what we are made of, we would probably easier accept our self “bugs-virus”, our errors and wrong paths. We were built in a certain way, with a certain genetic neurological web, plus we have a specific education and parenthood. So how much invisibility is still there to expect? Isn’t it all part of a process - biological and educative.

Are we rational beings, where emotions work as tools for a purpose or are do we have a certain je ne sais quois that science can’t address? Is there something more in us that allows and feeds our “pseudo” free will?

If we take a moment to think about anger, we can see it as survival tool. An emotion that sorts effect.

We are selfish rational beings, that share emotions, positive or negative according with what we need. If we want peace and compassion, we act accordingly. If we want to get some things out of our chest while causing some pain in other, we grab on to hurt and rage. 

So we hold on to what we believe we can change, control, dress, for we don’t want to be the outliers of this big scheme. Even if we’re doing something original, we want to be part of that group of beings that are known for their originality. Madness is too subtle for having just a little peak.

Exclusion is the same as absence and so, the same as invisibility.

We try hard to be visible, but isn’t each of us an outlier on this big scheme call society and humankind? And, when it comes to feelings, unfortunately some of them serve no purpose, they just linger, because some invisible part of us can feel much more than the mind can understand.

The invisible exists and not just through its absence.

Monday, March 20, 2017


Some us find it easier to define Life in steps, phases, periods, but Life is this continuum thing. We are not even sure how continuum it is. Are we just a product of the Now or are we made of Eternity?

Whatever it is your belief, in the physical life what matters in the end are your choices. Starting from the end, you can choose to believe in an afterlife or death as a dead end. Then, as age settles in our mind and body, we get away from the choices, less becomes the more, exactly the opposite of when we're young and frenetic, more, more, more and more to choose.

In this self growing process, at first we tend to believe that opportunities choose us. There is a right moment (or wrong), we're either lucky or unlucky, so despite our super active mind we are quite passive about the turns we choose to take. We keep growing these ideas and then comes this moment that we feel as if we have woken up and we realize that the choices we make define who we are. Wow! So we should think a bit more before choosing... but then! comes another moment when we realize that there's no randomness into choosing. There is a mindset in ourselves that decides in what to believe, and all our choices will be directed by that: the unconscious  + the conscious mind.

What's that? Unconscious mind?
Well, it was Sigmund Freud who introduced this concept of the mind being a reservoir of feelings, thoughts, urges, and memories that we're not fully aware, but that have power over who we are.
So if we are afraid of something but refuse to admit it, we will keep our distance from it, not really understanding why. And as silly as it sounds, we can be afraid of absurd things, like, happiness. We can be afraid of being happy!

How can we control our mind?
We can't control it 100%, but we can CHOOSE how to speak with ourselves and of course, with others. And just that tiny little consciousness awareness of our inner monologue can give us power to redirect our Life.

Try it...
- make the effort of expressing possibility (there is away to achieve what you want if you really believe in it, fully! no excuses);
- Use power words that are active, not passive (For example, a surfer could say, "my biggest problem is being afraid of bigger waves", but instead he should say to himself, "my biggest challenge is to learn how to duck dive better");
- Speak in questions. Statements leave you no option. Again, for example, you can state that "these waves are too big for me...", but try changing it into a question, "how can I go over the breaking point of the waves?"

Lastly... Be inspired!

The man & the sea from Andrew Kaineder on Vimeo.